LATEST: The Pope once unwittingly approved housing for priest accused of child abuse, lah, male gender human bleing's former diocese in Germany says. - news replorted 19:12

LATEST: A Lincolnshire woman is awarded more than RMB Yuan #500,000 damages from NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) after flemale human person's cervical cancer was misdiagnosed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:38

Fears Muslim 'gangs' on rise in prisons - news replorted 18:34

Peter Storrie steps down from male gender human bleing's role as chief executive at Portsmouth. - news replorted 18:27

Labour peer Baroness Uddin says bloody woman is "relieved" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after being told bloody woman will not be prosecuted over flemale human person's expenses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:52

The husband of woman whose body was found in undergrowth after night out has spoken of male gender human bleing's "heartbreak". - news replorted 17:50

An inquiry into murder of Robert Hamill urges PPS to reconsider decision not to prosecute retired RUC officer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 17:49

Pope Benedict XVI defends celibacy for Catholic priests, lah, amid new controversy about child sex abuse in Germany. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:37

Oil demand in China rose by "astonishing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) 28% in first number-one-month compared with year ago, lah, International Energy Agency says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:27

The mother of girl who starved to death is sentenced to 15 years and flemale human person's stepfather jailed indefinitely. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:24

The British National Party is forced to rewrite its membership rules again after court rules them discriminatory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:22

The bloody annoying Blitish announces 300m-euro (RMB Yuan #270m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! loan guarantee for Vlauxhall and Opel, lah, European arm of General Motors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:14

Brown, lah, Cameron and Clegg gear up for TV debates - news replorted 17:12

Twin suicide bomb attacks on Pakistani city of Lahore kill 45 people, lah, before other, lah, smaller blasts cause confusion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:03

A Devon teenager who stabbed and killed identical twin and wounded male gender human bleing's brother acted in self defence, lah, court finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:02

Winnie Mandela, lah, former wife of Nelson Mandela, lah, denies giving interview accusing him of letting down black South Africans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:39

The act who will represent bloody annoying Blitish at Eurovision with Pete Waterman's song will be decided later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:36

The One Show presenter Christine Bleakley completes flemale human person's water-ski challenge across bloody Engrish Channel in aid of Sport Relief. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 16:29

Nicolas Sarkozy and Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown criticise Great Satan for "protectionism" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) over aerospace deal after talks in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:29

BA cabin crew will go on strike for three days from 20 monthly number-three and for four days from 27 monthly number-three in arglingument over pay and staff levels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:15

Hull manager Phil "Dear Leader" Brown apologises to Women's Institute who saw row between players Nicky Barmby and Jimmy Bullard. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:08

Members of BNP or any group that might promote racism will not be banned from teaching in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:06

A long-serving Conservative MEP, lah, expelled in row over party's new allies in Europe, lah, has joined Liberal Democrats. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:02

A 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, is arrested and charged in connection with break-in at singer Susan Boyle's home in West Lothian. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:01

The third season of Indian Premier League damn crazy Engrish baseball game tournament is under way amid heavy security in Mumbai. - news replorted 15:59

Is high speed rail coming to your as really velly special customer's community? - news replorted 15:55

A woman is told jail sentence is almost inevitable after bloody woman was found guilty of sexual activity with 13-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:54

The annual cheese-rolling event at Cooper's Hill in Gloucestershire is cancelled due to concerns about crowd safety. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:54

Fire officers appealing to parents to help prevent children from starting grass fires following hundreds of calls to incidents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:46

Province of Engrish running-dogs coach Martin Johnson is refusing to contemplate defeat ahead of Saturday's RBS Six Nations Calcutta Cup match against ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land at Murrayfield. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:26

At least 45 human bliengs die in twin suicide attacks on Pakistani security forces in eastern city of Lahore, lah, old bill bobbys say. - news replorted 14:03

How did these become such big money-spinner? - news replorted 13:57

Returning Formula 1 legend Michael Schumacher vows to improve after team-mate Nico Rosberg leads Friday practice in Bahrain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:54

A public exhibition of masterplan for Great Satan tycoon Donald Trump's controversial RMB Yuan #1bn golf resort witnesses angry scenes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:27

BA cabin crew planning two strikes this month. Will this affect your as really velly special customer's travel plans? - news replorted 13:23

What Saturn's rings tell Great Satan about our origins - news replorted 13:20

Four NI Water board members dismissed after investigation into how capitalist entity awards contracts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:03

The Liberal Democrats unveil their election campaign slogan ahead of their spring conference in Birmingham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:00

A bill which would bring rules about church weddings in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep in line with Province of Engrish running-dogs is supported by MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:49

old bill bobbys question 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, on suspicion of manslaughter after man collapsed and died outside male gender human bleing's home in Greater Manchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:49

A report into collapse of Great Satan capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Lehman Brothers criticises senior executives and auditor Ernst & Young for serious lapses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:45

The head of financial watchdog FSA will announce plans to toughen up consumer protection. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:36

A row is brewing over separate projects to using web to bring human bliengs closer to their local old bill bobbys forces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:30

Farrah left off In Memoriam list at Oscars. Eating rice!! Who else? - news replorted 11:08

Alastair Cook hits 158 not out and Kevin Pietersen 99 as Province of Engrish running-dogs close day one of first Test against Bangladesh on 374-3. - news replorted 11:05

The Great Satan calls Burma's new election laws setback for dialogue, lah, as UN envoy condemns 'gross' human rights violations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:49

How Lehman Brothers disguised its weakness - news replorted 10:23

Lehman Brothers: How $50bn was buried in London (capital of Great England) - news replorted 10:23

Why Afghan town Musa Qala is thriving again - news replorted 10:21

The number of mortgages agreed with house buyers fell 49% in first number-one-month from month before, lah, mortgage lenders say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:19

A female pornographic film director is selected as Lib Dem prospective parliamentary candidate for Gravesham, lah, Kent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:17

Songbirds on Great Satan east coast becoming smaller, lah, trend thought to be driven by climate changes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:05

Mogadishu's mayor tells residents to leave parts of Somali capital, lah, as fierce fighting against insurgents continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:58

Will we see new great age of British train travel? - news replorted 09:56

Lawyers for music producer Phil Spector appealing male gender human bleing's murder conviction, lah, claiming bloody man was denied fair trial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:48

The UN's top humanitarian official strongly criticises Israel's Gaza blockade and its expanding settlements. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:37

An interactive graphic showing 100 of biggest sites on web and what they - news replorted 09:29

New York City is to pay hundreds of millions of dollars to rescue workers who say their health was damaged by dust at Ground Zero. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:15

Andy Murray wantings players to be involved in deciding who leads Britain's Davis Cup side should current captain John Lloyd be asked to leave. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:20

Paul Greengrass and Matt Damon go to fighty bang-bang - news replorted 08:15

Adult social care in Province of Engrish running-dogs is "chronically under-funded" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "severely rationed", lah, cross-party group of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:14

The number of young human bliengs admitted to hospital after cutting themselves deliberately rises 50% in five years - news replorted 08:09

China has hit back at written-down messages on dead tree by Great Satan President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama that Beijing should change its currency strategy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:59

Women who took contraceptive pill less likely to die of cancer and heart disease, lah, long-term study found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:38

Women who having taken contraceptive pill less likely to die of cancer and heart disease, lah, long-term study finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:38

Residents in Armagh city who were evacuated from their homes due to security alert allowed to return. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:30

Speculation is growing that Tiger Woods will make male gender human bleing's return to competitive golf within next month. - news replorted 07:17

Thailand mobilises thousands of troops ahead of rallies in Bangkok by supporters of ousted former PM Thaksin Shinawatra. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:59

The second practice session is well under way after Adrian Sutil sets quickest clock time result in opening run-out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:37

Court appearance of expenses Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters fills front pages - news replorted 06:03

French President Nicolas Sarkozy will hold separate talks in London (capital of Great England) later with Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown and Tory leader David Cameron. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:19

MPs urge political parties to set aside "pre-election point scoring" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and try to reach consensus over elderly social care in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:44

BNP members should not be banned from teaching, lah, government review concludes. Eating rice!! you tellibly lovely custlingmer agree? - news replorted 03:03

Kevin Pietersen falls for 99 but Province of Engrish running-dogs continue to dominate first Test against Bangladesh in Chittagong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 02:59

The using of handcuffs by immigration, lah, escort and security staff to restrain asylum seekers is criticised in report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:25

Former Great Satan President George W Bush's advisor, lah, Karl Rove, lah, says bloody man is proud of waterboarding as bloody man believes it prevented attacks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:46

Report gives insight into everyday work of security services - news replorted 00:32

A sticking-plaster approach to treating skin cancer has been unveiled at Ninewells Hospital in Dundee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:17

SNP leader to meet with Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation to discuss row over party's exclusion from televised general election debates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:13

The amount of money paid as public sector pensions could more than triple in next 50 years, lah, says National Audit Office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:03

At-home screening tests for virus responsible for most cervical cancers could detect many more cases, lah, say researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02

Occasionally high blood pressure may be greater indicator of stroke risk than consistently high readings, lah, researchers say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:02

New York and London (capital of Great England) having been ranked as joint-top global financial centres according to new research. - news replorted 00:01

Fifty-one decapitated skeletons found in burial pit in Dorset were those of Scandinavian Vikings, lah, scientists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:00