Chevrolet Captiva Lease delivered to Andres Kruse (Dr) in Lancashire

Visit my full letters page click here I have 1378 customer letters! This one was sent by Andres Kruse (Dr) after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Chevrolet Captiva Andres says…In autumn 2007 I looked into leasing a car with a different company. However, I quickly found their sales people [...]

Petrol consumption and my Citroen Xsara Picasso

Don’t spend so much on fuel! If you get a new Citroen Xsara Picasso Petrol 1.6 i (110bhp) Desire MPV 5dr 1587cc Manual, then you will spend less because the CO2 value has changed. That means more MPG. At the end of the contract, the car is collected from you and you have no further [...]

Citroen C2 Leasing Cheap £131.55 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Citroen C2 deal to my contract hire and leasing website! I added New Citroen C2 1.1 i 8v (61bhp) VT Hatchback 3dr 1124cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Non-metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £131.55 inc VAT per month [...]

Saab 9-3 Convertible Lease delivered to Malcolm Jenkins in Pontypridd

Visit my full letters page click here I have 1378 customer letters! This one was sent by Malcolm Jenkins after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Saab 9-3 Convertible Malcolm says…“After contacting so many so-called “TOP” contract hire companies, who promised everything and delivered nothing, I came across LINGsCARS.com. Ling [...]

Carbon Dioxide and the Mercedes CLC

My system has alerted me that the Mercedes CLC 1.8 K (143bhp) 180K Sport Coupe 3dr 1796cc Petrol Automatic has changed today so I update my website and post here for the benefit of customers. No one else bothers with this stuff. I treat you like adult, not idiot. This is very difficult for some [...]

Land Rover Freelander 2 Lease delivered to Daniel Hyndman in Montacute

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Daniel Hyndman. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Daniel says…Hi Ling, My Freelander arrived today, late morning, exactly as you [...]

Green changes on my Mercedes M-Class

All the people with orders in my system for the Mercedes M-Class 3.0 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY 24v (187bhp) ML300 CDI Sport 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 2987cc Diesel Automatic will be quite pleased by this news. I am making a change, because the environment stuff seems to have moved slightly. Sometimes new car will be delivered on [...]

Mazda RX-8 Leasing Cheap £472.65 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new Mazda RX-8 . I added New Mazda RX-8 1.3 Wankel (231bhp) Renesis R3 Coupe 4dr 1308cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly [...]

Audi A3 Lease delivered to Stuart Wilson in Putney

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Stuart Wilson, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Audi A3. Stuart says…I loved the website, it had a great selection [...]

Pollutant levels on my Kia Rio

Don’t spend so much on fuel! If you get a new Kia Rio Petrol 1.4 (96bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1399cc Manual, then you will spend less because the CO2 value has changed. That means more MPG. At the manufacturer’s service intervals, the car will need a service, which you are responsible for. Of course, as it’s [...]

Saab 9-3 Convertible Lease delivered to Tony Roach in Stockport

Visit my full letters page click here New cars are like new toys to most of my customers. They get really excited. Just like Tony Roach. I delivered this Saab 9-3 Convertible to Stockport then I got this very nice letter back… Tony says…Ling makes it easy. Ling makes it fun. The service from end-to-end [...]

Toxic gases on the Citroen C4 Picasso

Don’t spend so much on fuel! If you get a new Citroen C4 Picasso Diesel 1.6 HDi (110bhp) VTR + MPV (5-seat) 5dr 1560cc Manual, then you will spend less because the CO2 value has changed. That means more MPG. Oh, I get very mad about this, but I cannot say this in my advertising [...]

Saab 9-3 Convertible Lease delivered to Edward Dobson in Lymm

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Edward Dobson, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Saab 9-3 Convertible. Edward says…“A young lady from Gateshead called Ling,Does a [...]

Different NOx levels on the Mazda MX-5

I am simply faster than any other car sales website in changing these Mazda MX-5 1.8 i (124bhp) SE Convertible 2dr 1798cc Petrol Manual details to reflect the latest info. No one can keep up with me. Often the manufacturer websites are out of date! Have you ever rented a self-drive car for a day [...]

Honda Cr-v Lease delivered to Matthew Callan in Bedford

Visit my full letters page click here Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Matthew Callan in Bedford. Bloody cat! Matthew says…We are very happy with our new CRV and extremely impressed with the quick, helpful and very friendly service Ling and [...]

Pollutant levels on my Audi A6 Avant

Look, another CO2 change! The Audi A6 Avant 2.0 TDie (136bhp) SE Estate 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual has moved slightly in the environment tales again. I post the new info, and publish on my website. Physical stock is always limited, as cars cannot be made to appear by magic, there are only so many sat [...]

Vauxhall Zafira Lease delivered to Julie Johnson in Wakefield

Visit my full letters page click here How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Julie Johnson replied with a letter back to me about the Vauxhall Zafira that was delivered, new. Here it is: Julie says…Ling has made my car leasing experience [...]

New CO2 figure for the Mercedes A-Class

Updating the Mercedes A-Class 1.5 i BlueEFFICIENCY 8v (93bhp) A160 Classic SE Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol Manual quickly is brilliant because Google loves to use me as the choice for listing these cars. At the end of the contract, the car is collected from you and you have no further obligations. You do not buy [...]

Volkswagen Passat Lease delivered to Alan Young in Hamilton

Visit my full letters page click here New cars are like new toys to most of my customers. They get really excited. Just like Alan Young. I delivered this Volkswagen Passat to Hamilton then I got this very nice letter back… Alan says…Ling’s website is the best there is… it’s brilliant and after visiting it, [...]

New CO2 figure for the Kia Rio

The Kia Rio 1.4 (96bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1399cc Petrol Manual has new environmental information today. I have updated! Pay attention, you are too slow How to explain this without it seeming like the usual sales talk? … I don’t know, but I will try to make this clear… You know, you are not buying this [...]

New CO2 figure for the Kia Rio

Mercedes C-Class Estate Leasing Cheap £378.84 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Mercedes C-Class Estate deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots! I added New Mercedes C-Class Estate 2.2 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY 16v (201bhp) C250 Sport Estate 5dr 2143cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 [...]

Audi A5 Coupe Leasing Cheap £436.99 inc VAT

I have been offered the following lease car deal, so here it is! I have just uploaded a new Audi A5 Coupe deal to my contract hire website! I added New Audi A5 Coupe 1.8 TFSI 16v (164bhp) S Line Coupe 2dr 1798cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 [...]

Citroen Relay Lease delivered to Darren Edwards in Bromsgrove

Visit my full letters page click here I always ask my customers if they have comments about getting their new car. Really, I am looking for criticisms (so I can improve my service). However, customers like Darren Edwards show that it is hard to generate real criticism. I can only improve if I know if [...]

Comparative label for the Toyota Urban Cruiser

Green output is important to me, so I tell you the Toyota Urban Cruiser 1.3 Dual VVT-i (99bhp) 2WD MPV 5dr 1329cc Petrol Manual has changed, here are the new figures. I work hard to keep everything up to date. Local franchised dealer will sort out any warranty problems for free, but on most contracts [...]

Saab 9-5 Estate Lease delivered to Peter McDevitt in Dunfermline

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Peter McDevitt. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Peter says…I found the service to be good – email responses were [...]

The Citroen Xsara Picasso is a Green car yet?

I am Ling and my Citroen Xsara Picasso 1.6 i (110bhp) Desire MPV 5dr 1587cc Petrol Manual has a new CO2 value today. So I post it here in my blog. I always update very fast. Can anyone name another website that can do this stuff as fast as me? Most extras fitted onto cars [...]

Chrysler Grand Voyager Leasing Cheap £478.39 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Chrysler Grand Voyager deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots! I added New Chrysler Grand Voyager 2.8 CRD (161bhp) Touring MPV (7-seat) 5dr 2776cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. [...]

Chrysler 300C Leasing Cheap £390.99 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Chrysler 300C deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars. I added New Chrysler 300C 3.0 CRD V6 (215bhp) Saloon 4dr 2987cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic [...]

My Citroen C4 Picasso is more economical now?

Updating the Citroen C4 Picasso 1.6 HDi (110bhp) VTR + MPV (5-seat) 5dr 1560cc Diesel Manual quickly is brilliant because Google loves to use me as the choice for listing these cars. Most extras fitted onto cars don’t seem to make difference to the resale price in 2-3 years. Metallic paint, leather and aircon actually [...]

Jeep Patriot Leasing Cheap £362.24 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Jeep Patriot deal to my contract hire and leasing website! I added New Jeep Patriot 2.0 CRD (140bhp) Sport 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 1968cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £362.24 inc VAT per [...]

Jeep Patriot Leasing Cheap £355.34 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Jeep Patriot deal to my contract hire and leasing website! I added New Jeep Patriot 2.0 CRD (140bhp) Limited 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 1968cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £355.34 inc VAT per [...]

Jeep Patriot Leasing Cheap £308.19 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Jeep Patriot deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots! I added New Jeep Patriot 2.0 CRD (140bhp) Sport 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 1968cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only [...]

Mini Cooper Lease delivered to Scott Thomson in Bolton

Visit my full letters page click here I always ask my customers if they have comments about getting their new car. Really, I am looking for criticisms (so I can improve my service). However, customers like Scott Thomson show that it is hard to generate real criticism. I can only improve if I know if [...]

Fuel economy and CO2 change on my Mercedes SLK

Don’t spend so much on fuel! If you get a new Mercedes SLK Petrol 1.8 K (181bhp) 200 Kompressor Convertible 2dr 1796cc Automatic, then you will spend less because the CO2 value has changed. That means more MPG. Many large organisations such as CD Bramall, Perrys, Lombard, Lex, Pendragon, Network, BMW Finance, Citroen Finance, and [...]

Volvo C30 Lease delivered to Charles L (name withheld) in Northampton

Visit my full letters page click here Getting letters in the post is really nice. It makes a lovely change from getting email. This one was sent by Charles L (name withheld) from Northampton. Amazingly, the postman didn’t steal it! Charles says…Hi Ling Just a quick line to say everything is fine with the Volvo, [...]

Emission figures on the Citroen C4 Picasso

I am the fastest car supplier in the UK to update the Citroen C4 Picasso 1.6 HDi (110bhp) VTR + MPV (5-seat) 5dr 1560cc Diesel Manual information. No one in the industry can believe how fast I am. Many large organisations such as CD Bramall, Perrys, Lombard, Lex, Pendragon, Network, BMW Finance, Citroen Finance, and [...]

Dodge Caliber Leasing Cheap £309.35 inc VAT

I have been offered the following lease car deal, so here it is! I have just uploaded a new Dodge Caliber deal to my contract hire website! I added New Dodge Caliber 1.8 (148bhp) SE Station Wagon 5dr 1798cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £309.35 [...]

Citroen C5 Tourer Lease delivered to Colin Bruce in Lincoln

Visit my full letters page click here I have 1378 customer letters! This one was sent by Colin Bruce after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Citroen C5 Tourer Colin says…A faultless service. Ling provided an honest and very responsive dialogue throughout, giving me confidence that she would deliver exactly [...]

Fuel economy and CO2 change on my Kia Rio

Checking against the values I publish for the Kia Rio 1.4 (96bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1399cc Petrol Manual, I have noticed a small error, so I’m publishing these new figures today. Please read. Personal Contract Hire is exactly the same as contract hire for businesses. This is the beauty of getting a car like this, as [...]

Mitsubishi Shogun (old Shape) Lease delivered to Mike Morgan in Swansea

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Mike Morgan. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Mike says…An excellent and very easy to follow website, with the most [...]

I have updated CO2 for the Kia Rio

I am the fastest car supplier in the UK to update the Kia Rio 1.4 (96bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1399cc Petrol Manual information. No one in the industry can believe how fast I am. Personal Contract Hire is exactly the same as contract hire for businesses. This is the beauty of getting a car like this, [...]

BMW 3-Series Saloon Leasing Cheap £330.05 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new BMW 3-Series Saloon . I added New BMW 3-Series Saloon 2.0 i (143bhp) 318i ES Saloon 4dr 1995cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Non-metallic paint. It is on a [...]

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Pearl Duffett in Rugby

Visit my full letters page click here Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Pearl Duffett that I got a while ago: Pearl says…Fantastic friendly service, great [...]

The Skoda Octavia is a Green car yet?

Looking at my records, the Skoda Octavia 1.9 Tdi (105bhp) S Hatchback 5dr 1896cc Diesel Manual has changed today, so I have updated the environmental information on my website. You have to laugh that I can beat Skoda to this update! Most Ling cars are on 2 year deals or less, so you should only [...]

The Skoda Octavia is a Green car yet?

BMW 1-Series Coupe Leasing Cheap £307.05 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new BMW 1-Series Coupe . I added New BMW 1-Series Coupe 2.0 d (143bhp) 118d ES Coupe 2dr 1995cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Non-metallic paint. It is on a [...]

BMW 1-Series Leasing Cheap £263.35 inc VAT

I have been offered the following lease car deal, so here it is! I have just uploaded a new BMW 1-Series deal to my contract hire website! I added New BMW 1-Series 1.6 i (120bhp) 116i ES Hatchback 3dr 1599cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Non-metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only [...]

Citroen C4 Grand Picasso Lease delivered to Alexander Tabrah in Co Antrim

Visit my full letters page click here I always ask my customers if they have comments about getting their new car. Really, I am looking for criticisms (so I can improve my service). However, customers like Alexander Tabrah show that it is hard to generate real criticism. I can only improve if I know if [...]

New CO2 figure for the Peugeot 308

If you are interested in CO2 stuff, then read this. I have a new figure for the Peugeot 308 1.6 HDi (90bhp) SR Hatchback 5dr 1560cc Diesel Manual and I am updating it on my website now. Most Ling cars are on 2 year deals or less, so you should only need an oil and [...]

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I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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MINI BLOG

THE 3 DEGREES - MY IT CROWD

Posted: 18/07/10

Comments ( 0 )

Just to say that Mark, Jamie and Jonny have graduated. Fantastic!
All have got FIRSTS in Computer something or other from Sun... READ MORE

WHY HYDROGEN NO GOOD 4 CARS

Posted: 15/12/10

Comments ( 1 )

I have a BSc in Applied Chemistry and an MSc in Environmental Management, so have some qualification to comment on this issue. Sor... READ MORE

HIDING VAT

Posted: 02/07/10

Comments ( 0 )

Can you believe prices you see on the web? I've gotta say, how annoyed it makes me that so many websites break the law, also known... READ MORE

NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015

Posted: 04/03/10

Comments ( 3 )

Listening to the radio in our cars is something we all take for granted. Every car these days comes with a good quality radio, and... READ MORE

MY SISTER'S (CHINESE) SKODA!

Posted: 08/07/10

Comments ( 4 )

Although I only lease cars in the UK, my sister Shan asked me to help her buy a brand-new car in China!
She looked at quite a... READ MORE

CHEAPER THAN PENDRAGON

Posted: 02/08/10

Comments ( 0 )

I've just delivered a new car to a senior manager (for his personal use) in PENDRAGON PLC, the UK's largest dealer group. The grou... READ MORE

Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...

I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!

Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am - Ling

THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 624022
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007

Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

LATEST: Two men charged with murder of man who was found decapitated and burnt in Stockport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:34

LATEST: A man previously accused of murdering journalist Martin O'Hagan has agreed to co-operate with old bill bobbys investigating LVF killing, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:15

Ministers and Labour clash over who is responsible for RBS chief executive Stephen Hester's contract, lah, amid anger about RMB Yuan #963,000 share bonus offer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 18:15

The funeral is held for first of nine confirmed victims of Wednesday's building collapse in Rio de Janeiro, lah, as rescuers continue to search rubble for about 20 missing people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:54

French troops will resume training Afghan soldiers on Saturday but Paris will pull out most of its troops by end of 2013, lah, President Nicolas Sarkozy says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:49

Welsh land of sheep and more sheep prop Rhys Thomas undergoes heart surgery after being taken ill during training with Scarlets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:48

The Norwegian prime dodgy minister apologises for role male gender human bleing's country played in deporting Jews as Europe marks Holocaust Remembrance Day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:46

Microscopic plastic debris from washing clothes is accumulating in marine environment and could be entering food chain, lah, study warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:39

A man who is almost completely paralysed has won first step in male gender human bleing's legal bid to pursue male gender human bleing's right-to-die. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:19

A 20-earth-years old happy birthday to you, who made international headlines during two-year crime (shoud shoot them) spree when bloody man evaded old bill bobbys in stolen cars, lah, boats and planes is to be sentenced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:08

Gunmen in northern Nigeria's Zamfara state kill at least 15 village traders returning from market at night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 17:05

The social network and Washington State sue marketing firm over claim (always claiming, huh?) that it deceived users by hiding 'Like' buttons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:05

Photos from around world this week - news replorted 17:04

A Nottingham farmer is jailed for year after "horrific" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) scenes of animal cruelty were found on male gender human bleing's property. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:46

�KODA bloody annoying Blitish has made it even easier for journalists to request test LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine bookings by launching dedicated Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) account for press fleet. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:44

Pricing for Model Year 2012 Fliat Punto has just been announced by Fliat Group Automobiles Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 16:41

Why notorious criminal has become irresistible to film-makers - news replorted 16:30

The Ulster Unionist leader Tom Elliott writes to party members to reassure them about nature of talks with DUp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 16:21

A Bolton man is jailed for possessing recipe for deadly poison ricin and rice-paper officialing doumentlation about how to make bombs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:15

Super-Duper-Chinese-State security forces having shot and killed young Tibetan in Sichuan province, lah, campaign groups say, lah, third killing this week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 16:11

At least 11 human bliengs having been hurtee-hurtee after under-construction casino partially collapsed in Cincinnati, lah, Ohio, lah, emergency crews say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:52

Five South Welsh land of sheep and more sheep old bill bobbys officers receive written warnings for disobeying orders to stop pursuing man who went on to crash into wall and later died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:27

The former Province of Engrish running-dogs and Aston Villa footballer Lee Hendrie is declared bankrupt by High Court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:14

Nigeria's Supreme Court orders five of country's powerful state governors to step down for overstaying their term in office in landmark judgement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:12

A European Parliament rapporteur has stood down in protest as controversial anti-piracy agreement is signed by several countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:24

New technology is being used in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers to try to prevent one of oldest crimes of fish poaching. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:22

New emissions rules could spell unforeseen costs for operators � sparking caution and lower residual values in used market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:11

Jack Straw says there is so little government legislation for Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters to consider at moment that dodgy ministers having to "manufacture activity". - news replorted 14:09

'Gambling' with some of world's top investors - news replorted 14:03

Toyota delivered its 400,000th hybrid in Europe on past day, lah, day before today day (26 January), lah, British-built Auris Hybrid from its Burnaston factory in Derbyshire. What the hell I mean??!! vehicling driving car machine was handed over to Valentine Nkwocha, lah, capitalist entity LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine driver for CTG, lah, IT capitalist entity in Belgium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:54

Anton Ferdinand is considering refusing to shake hands with John Terry ahead of Saturday's FA Cup fourth round tie between QPR and Chelsea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:46

While America is running down its manned space programme - further north - two Canadian students having shown that flying into space does not always having to be rocket science. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:44

Britain's Andy Murray misses out on place in Australian Open final, lah, losing to Novak Djokovic in five-set epic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 13:37

A school IT manager accused of possessing nearly 400,000 indecent images of children tells court bloody man has no interest in pornography. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:36

The pace Great Satan economic growth quickened to 2.8% annualised rate in three months to December, lah, Commerce Department says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:35

Jack Wilshere suffers blow in male gender human bleing's attempt to recover from ankle injury sustained in pre-season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:21

Monty Panesar takes three wickets as Province of Engrish running-dogs take firm grip on second Test against Pakistan on day three in Abu Dhabi. - news replorted 13:21

A old bill bobbys LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine involved in collision which left two human bliengs hurtee-hurtee was stationary when it was hit by lorry, lah, it emerges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:19

An independent commission has been set up to examine impact of increased tuition fees in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:11

24 hours of news photos: 27 first number-one-month 2012 - news replorted 13:03

US carmaker Floord has reported surge in profits in 2011, lah, fuelled by one-off payment and strong sales in its home country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:48

A man described by male gender human bleing's solicitor as nerd and train spotter has appeared in court on terrorism charges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:47

Amnesty International has called for investigation into what it says is misuse of tear gas by Bahraini security forces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:44

Harry Redknapp told old bill bobbys bloody man has paid "fortunes in income tax" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and did not "fiddle anybody", lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:43

A RMB Yuan #963,000 bonus in shares awarded to Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land boss comes under attack from union representing workers in Ulster Bank. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:42

Growing inequality should now be priority for leaders after economic crisis, lah, senior figures at World Economic Forum say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:41

Up to 350 workers to lose their jobs at Kent steel firm which has gone into administration, lah, it is confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:36

The Philippines confirms that it is discussing ways to "maximise" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) defence ties with Great Satan amid territorial disputes in region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:31

Businessman Asil Nadir would having needed banknotes 300 times height of Nelson's Column to balance books of male gender human bleing's empire, lah, Old Bailey hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:19

The Chancellor George Osborne is to reavealingly showing Great Satan details about new Financial Services Bill that will overhaul regulation of sector. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:17

Newcastle United goalkeeper Tim Krul says bloody man is happy with male gender human bleing's progress on Tyneside, lah, regardless of speculation surrounding male gender human bleing's future. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:16

Health authorities decide upon cross-border strategy which includes plans for minimum price for alcohol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:14

The clock time result Stephen Lawrence met Mail editor Paul Dacre - news replorted 12:08

Veteran actor John Hurt will receive outstanding contribution to cinema award at Bafta's next month, lah, it is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:03

Time-lapse photography captures orchid coming into flower - news replorted 12:01

old bill bobbys say they not ruling out possibility statue of old soldier in Scarborough may having been covered in yellow paint in anti-Semitic attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:59

The results of last November's parliamentary elections in DR Congo finally released and show that no party has overall majority. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:48

Danny Boyle reveals London (capital of Great England) 2012 Olympics opening ceremony will be called Isles of Wonder, lah, in annoucement six months ahead of Games. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:47

An asylum-seeking playwright and flemale human person's husband freed from detention centre after last-minute reprieve from deportation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:45

Suzuki GB is proud to announce new partnership with Sky Sports.� Launching six week campaign, lah, Suzluko and Sky Sports having produced series of bespoke 30-second TV airings titled �The New Swift Sport Boot Camp�.� - news replorted 11:44

Alfa Romeo's latest television commercial, lah, entitled �Test Me�, lah, launches this month in year-long marketing campaign focused on highlighting rational reasons why human bliengs should buy Alfa Romeo.� - news replorted 11:42

The teenager accused of murdering Jack Frew recalls how schoolboy lay hurtee-hurtee on ground shortly after bloody man produced knife. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:40

Artists who withholding for secrecy their albums from streaming services such as Spotify in danger of antagonising their fans, lah, executive from record label Universal says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:39

The Daily Mail has overtaken New York Times as world's most popular newspaper website. What the hell I mean??!! How did it it? - news replorted 11:37

Disqualification orders being sought against elderly directors in collapsed Presbyterian Mutual Society because they "soft targets", lah, High Court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:35

Many struggling to pay their bills but philosopher Alain De Botton reckons British should be encouraged to think this is velly damn good boiled chicken-feet idea, lah, by rebranding it as charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:29

A Lincolnshire beauty spot is cleared of undergrowth after complaints that human bliengs having sex there were scaring off families and ramblers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:19

A legal expert says eight former old bill bobbys officers acquitted of fabricating case that led to three innocent men being jailed could face retrial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:16

This year, lah, Bosch celebrates its second diesel anniversary: following on from 75 years of diesel in passenger cars, lah, in Jesus-baby month Decemblinger capitalist entity is celebrating production of its 75 millionth common-rail system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:14

US jazz composer, lah, arranger and pianist Clare Fischer has died, lah, aged 83. - news replorted 11:11

Bosch has set new production volume record: technology capitalist entity has manufactured two billion MEMS (micro-electro-mechanical systems) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! sensors since production began 16 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:03

The Italian capitalist entity that owns stricken cruise ship Costa Concordia reaches agreement on compensation with several Italian consumer organisations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:52

Tourism in bloody annoying Blitish faces massive year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Non-British born Magazine readers offer their alternative must-see spots - news replorted 10:50

Willem Holleeder, lah, Dutch criminal notorious for 1983 kidnapping of beer tycoon Freddy Heineken, lah, is freed from jail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:50

MPs say they having been "overwhelmed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with responses after they asked public to send questions for Education Secretary Michael Gove via Twitter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:40

Greece could reach deal with its creditors over weekend, lah, according to EU's Economic Commissioner, lah, Olli Rehn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:39

A man jailed for gangland killing in South Lanarkshire loses legal bid to overturn male gender human bleing's murder conviction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:31

Community leaders in Borders town scale down reception plans for Swedish mountain bike team - after finding it has only one member. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:31

After 25 years of experience as motor industry photographer, lah, David Finch shares some of male gender human bleing's favourite images of both new models and dramatic motorsport moments. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:29

A man found decapitated and burnt in Stockport died from shotgun wound to male gender human bleing's head and another head injury, lah, tests reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:12

Wally has today revealed further details and updated images of Wally//Ace, lah, its new displacement yacht - news replorted 10:11

An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is arrested on suspicion of murder after death in house fire on outskirts of Cardiff. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 10:10

The latest figures from NFU Mutual confirm that plant theft has reached all clock time result high, lah, increasing pressure on businesses operating plant fleets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:05

Michael Morpurgo's novel fighty bang-bang Horse has now sold more copies in bloody annoying Blitish in fortnight than it did worldwide in 25 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:04

Building on its market leading position in leasing technology market and fuelled by export successes in Europe, lah, North America and Australasia, lah, controlling in driving manner Software Solutions, lah, Stevenage bloody annoying Blitish based capitalist entity which is dedicated to development... - news replorted 10:03

Graphene, lah, often described as "miracle material", lah, can be used to distil alcohol, lah, according to new study in Science journal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:00

A man who left another man "inches from death" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after throwing him against moving train is given suspended prison sentence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:53

An 11m-wide asteroid will pass within 60,000km of Earth on Friday - one of top-20 closest approaches ever, lah, but one that poses no danger to Earth. - news replorted 09:51

Work is getting under way on Dark Sky Observatory at Galloway Forest Park in south west ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:50

The Great Satan homes for ill or wounded soldiers being adopted in bloody annoying Blitish - news replorted 09:48

The UN Security Council is to discuss resolution backing Arab League call for President al-Assad of Syria to step down, lah, as fighting continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:40

The pharmaceutical giant Pfizer is believed to be in detailed talks with potential buyer for its operation in east Kent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:37

The Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham is joining with Great Satan charity to offer accommodation on site for relatives of hurtee-hurtee servicemen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:31

A bomb kills at least 26 human bliengs and injures scores in Iraqi capital Baghdad, lah, with funeral procession outside hospital apparent target. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:28

Dr Ruth Bender of Cranfield School of Management explains why bloody woman thinks it is fair that Stephen Hester gets male gender human bleing's bonus worth over RMB Yuan #900,000 - news replorted 09:20

The family of baby who died from bacterial infection in Londonderry say there still questions to be answered about male gender human bleing's death. - news replorted 09:14

The Jagluar Academy of Sport is delighted to announce that �Star of Future� Crystal Lane will receive one-to-one mentoring from former professional racing cyclist Bryan Steel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:14

After highly successful joint venture last year, lah, �KODA bloody annoying Blitish will continue as Official vehicling driving car machine Partner to Rallye Sunseeker (Febliurary 24-25), lah, opening round of 2012 MSA British Rally Championship. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 09:13

The third dedicated velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Aviation Show will be held this summer as fully-integrated attraction at popular Festival of Speed and Moving Motor Show (28 June-mber month - 1 July). - news replorted 09:11

The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation says it is engaged in "sensible succession planning" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to replace director general Mark Thompson, lah, following speculation about male gender human bleing's departure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:09

Russian liberal leader Grigory Yavlinsky is barred from monthly number-three presidential election because of alleged errors in male gender human bleing's registration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:07

Astronomers watching for asteroid size of double-decker bus which will pass within 70,000km of Earth on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:02

Aston Martin will debut first production V12 Zagato at Kuwait Concours d� Elegance on 15-18 February. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:00

Subaru bloody annoying Blitish is raising clustomler care to new level with launch this month of new three-year aftercare package called Everything Taken Care of (Subaru ETCo). - news replorted 09:00

A Crimewatch appeal for inflomination about whereabouts of escaped prisoner John Anslow has prompted several calls, lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:53

Spain's unemployment figure passed five million mark in last quarter of 2011, lah, official figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 08:52

There is "strong desire" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for new nuclear power stations in communities where they planned, lah, one of firms hoping to build them tells MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:46

Nominations for Plaid Cymru leadership close, lah, with four Assembly Members on ballot paper hoping to replace Ieuan Wyn Jones. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:15

An RMB Yuan #80m Home Office programme to give old bill bobbys forces Blackberrys and other mobile devices has been criticised by National Audit Office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:15

Military experts gathered in London (capital of Great England) this week to discuss growing threat of cyber attacks to international security. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:08

Sportsday Live featuring latest from Andy Murray's semi-final at Australian Open, lah, second Test between Province of Engrish running-dogs and Pakistan, lah, golf from Abu Dhabi and transfer news ahead of deadline day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:57

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast's Tim Muffett has had look around athletes' apartments in 2012 Olympic Village. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:50

The presidents of Sudan and South Sudan to discuss arglingument between countries over transit fees for South Sudan's oil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:30

Andy Murray takes on top seed Novak Djokovic in semi-finals of Australian Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:26

The chair of Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs assembly's Public Accounts Committee says old bill bobbys should investigate allegations of financial corruption at Wales' leading race relations organisation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:22

Former Welsh land of sheep and more sheep striker Nathan Blake reveals bloody man was once victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) of racist death threat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:21

Six human bliengs arrested during old bill bobbys drug searches of several houses in Limavady on Thursday - news replorted 06:52

A woman is rescued from house fire in Newry, lah, County Down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:46

With half world online by 2016, lah, web economy in G20 countries is set to nearly double in size to $4.2tn (RMB Yuan #2.7tn), lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:30

Papers enjoy Alpine Westminster - news replorted 05:53

Cuba is to begin exploratory drilling in search of oil - this weekend rig will begin drilling for oil just 100 kilometres from Florida. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 05:40

Province of Engrish running-dogs will begin day three of second Test in Abu Dhabi on 207-5, lah, trailing Pakistan by 50. - news replorted 05:29

The government appears to having escaped rebellion by medical establishment over its controversial NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) reforms in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:22

Indigenous leaders in Australia condemn "disrespect" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) shown to PM Julia Gillard, lah, who lost shoe while running from protesters in Canberra on Thursday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:20

Cruise passengers 'not protected from serious crime' - news replorted 04:41

Justin Fashanu's niece on aftermath of male gender human bleing's death - news replorted 04:39

Some of beautiful birds to look out for this year - news replorted 04:24

Organisers of project to create series of new woods to commemorate Queen's Diamond Jubilee hope to plant one million trees during February. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:17

What does Disney's staff dress code strictly forbid? - news replorted 04:01

Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) says it now has technology to censor tweets on country by country basis, lah, as it continues to expand internationally. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:59

old bill bobbys investigating death of Carmarthenshire woman at flemale human person's village home having charged man with flemale human person's rape and murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:24

A group of soldiers who staged failed mutiny in Papua New Guinea seeking pardon, lah, Australian reports say, lah, amid ongoing power struggle in country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:44

A referendum in Salford results in city's residents voting in favour of having directly elected mayor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:37

The late pop star Michael Jackson has been honoured at ceremony outside Grauman's Super-Duper-Chinese-State Theatre in Hollywood. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:13

The National Audit Office criticises RMB Yuan #80m Home Office programme to equip old bill bobbys forces with Blackberrys and other mobile devices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:40

Lana Del Rey on recording of flemale human person's album Born To Die - news replorted 01:40

Oral human papillomavirus (HPV) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! infection is more common among men than women, lah, leading to increased risk for men of head and neck cancers, lah, Great Satan study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27

Carers missing out on "vital" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) support, lah, survey for cancer charity Macmillan Cancer Support suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:20

A bag containing 16kg (35.5lb) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of cocaine was seized last week at United Nations headquarters in New York, lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:55

Metal theft becomes one of top priorities of British Transport Police, lah, second only to threat of terrorism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:40

The cost of moving home in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has risen faster than house prices over past decade, lah, new research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:39

Publicist Max Clifford said bloody man has helped several Premiership footballers keep their homosexuality secret - news replorted 00:36

London (capital of Great England) 2012 organisers to take control of Olympic Village site in ceremony to mark six months until Games begin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:28

Inmates being bullied at West Yorkshire prison deliberately self-harming to be transferred out of jail, lah, inspectors warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:23

Republican candidates Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich intensify attacks on each other hours ahead of final national debate before Florida's primary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:06

It may be possible to detect autism at much earlier age than previously thought, lah, says international team of researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01


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