LATEST:  The AA is set to launch its first insurlince policy using satellite navigation to track driver behaviour. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 20:06

LATEST:  Eastman Kodak, lah, name synonymous with photography, lah, is to stop making digital and video cameras. Eating rice!! - news replorted 20:06

Mexican soldiers secure 15 tonnes of methamphetamines at ranch in western state of Jalisco, lah, believed to be their largest seizure of drug yet. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 19:58

Nine Islamic terrorists who plotted to bomb London (capital of Great England) Stock Exchange and build training camp jailed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 19:44

Weather warnings for ice and snow in place across Britain as Arctic freeze continues. Eating rice!! BBC's Alex Deakin looks at conditions for Thursday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 19:40

South Welsh land of sheep and more sheep old bill bobbys promise their efforts to counter terrorism will not end with jailing of two brothers from Cardiff who plotted to bomb London (capital of Great England) Stock Exchange. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:17

An earthquake fault zone in Mexico is imaged with unprecedented precision, lah, I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to improvements in Light Detection and Ranging - laser radar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 19:05

Destructive plaques found in brains of Alzheimer's patients having been rapidly cleared by researchers testing cancer drug on mice. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:01

Judgment is reserved in case brought by severely disabled man with "locked-in syndrome" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) who urged judge not to halt male gender human bleing's High Court action to let doctor end male gender human bleing's life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:50

Athletes from New Zealand and Germany win annual stair-race up Empire State Building. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 18:25

Greece's planned new austerity measures may not be enough to win 130bn euro bailout, lah, say eurozone dodgy ministers meeting in Brussels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:07

The families of two soldiers killed at Massereene Barracks almost three years ago intervene in row over how their sons will be remembered. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:02

The Great Satan House of Representatives passes legislation barring insider trading by members of Congress by overwhelming 417 to 2 vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:38

A schoolboy is found guilty of murder after attacking woman with hammer and setting flemale human person's body on fire in Nottingham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 17:38

Super-Duper-Chinese-State authorities investigating after top old bill bobbys chief spent day at Great Satan consulate, lah, state media says, lah, amid rumours bloody man sought asylum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 17:35

IVF clinics having been told that no more than 10% of births should be twins or triplets by regulators. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:16

Public funding is terminated to race relations charity Awema after investigation found "significant and fundamental failures". - news replorted 17:16

Caterham Motorsport has appointed 20-year old karting ace, lah, Laura Tillett, lah, to assist with development of new karting championship it will launch in 2013. - news replorted 17:16

Just in clock time result for Valentine’s Day, lah, Motorpoint has fallen for some brand new ’12 plates that now in stock ready for 1st March, lah, with savings that sure to capture your as really velly special customer's heart, lah, WAH! - news replorted 17:11

Driver training specialist IAM controlling in driving manner & Survive is offering weekly motoring tips to drivers from its head of training, lah, Simon Elstow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! This week, lah, in response to Met Office’s warnings, lah, bloody man is advising on driving on ice. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:11

South east Welsh land of sheep and more sheep is facing worst of mix of wintry weather overnight bringing snow and freezing rain, lah, forecasters warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:10

old bill bobbys patrol A66 trans-Pennine route where drivers having fallen foul of extreme icy conditions - news replorted 17:05

Road transport industry news from Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders - Thursday 9 February. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:01

Following memorable year on rally stage and race track in 2011, lah, Kumho has started new motorsport season with pair of strong placings on Safety Direct Galway International Rally (Febliurary 5). - news replorted 16:55

bloody annoying Blitish Prime dodgy minister David Cameron and King Abdullah of Jordan agreed to work on finding "solution" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to Abu Qatada case, lah, during phone call on Thursday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:49

Two Dutch journalists cleared of breaching privacy of Nazi Heinrich Boere, lah, whom they confronted in German old people's home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:48

A shocked Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall says it is impossible to imagine fire destroying male gender human bleing's "lovely Devon barn" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at River Cottage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:32

A 43-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Londonderry man admits LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine bomb attack at city's Strand road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu PSNI Station. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:09

A young couple form Nottinghamshire having become second couple to win Euromillions jackpot in county this year - news replorted 16:05

Nine men who plotted to bomb London (capital of Great England) Stock Exchange and build terrorist training camp jailed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:04

Leading commercial vehicling driving car machine manufacturer Isuzu Truck bloody annoying Blitish is continuing with its controlling in driving manner to expand its, bloody dealering idiot place network during 2012. - news replorted 16:03

Ed Miliband is to hit back at chancellor's warning that row over capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity pay and bonuses threatened to create "anti-business culture". - news replorted 16:02

Underground cables having been struck by workmen 700 times in past year, lah, road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu contracting industry says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:59

Max Clifford tells Leveson media probe phone hacking was "cancer" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in journalism, lah, while Heather Mills spoke of having flemale human person's messages accessed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:57

The biggest LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine factory in North Africa, lah, run by French firm Renault, lah, is officially opened near Moroccan city of Tangiers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:53

The French parfumier Jean-Paul Guerlain goes on trial on racism charges after bloody man caused widespread offence during television interview. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 15:30

A man was crushed to death by lorry which "floated through air like hot-air balloon", lah, inquest is told. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:22

The makers of Path and Hipster iPhone apps apologise for accessing phone contacts without explicit permission. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:13

Twenty year old John Brown, lah, apprentice technician who works for Border Cars in Carlisle is first person in Province of Engrish running-dogs to successfully achieve male gender human bleing's Apprenticeship on new automotive industry Apprenticeship framework. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 15:09

Glasgow's ruling Labour group is hit with series of resignations ahead of crucial council budget vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:08

His Majesty King Mohammed VI today inaugurated new Renault-Nissan Alliance plant in Tangier, lah, Morocco, lah, at special ceremony attended by Carlos Ghosn, lah, Chairman of Renliot and Nissan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:03

A security guard wantinged by old bill bobbys in connection with RMB Yuan #1m theft from outside capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity in Suffolk 19 years ago has been arrested in USa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 14:50

World Championship 1500m silver medallist, lah, Hannah Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, is taking flemale human person's mind off pressures of up-coming 2012 season by setting herself challenge of passing flemale human person's driving test with Alfa Romeo, lah, official LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine supplier to bloody annoying Blitish athletics (UKA). - news replorted 14:44

Saab Automobile Parts bloody annoying Blitish Ltd (trading as Ikea SAAB machineeParts UK), lah, wholly-owned subsidiary of Ikea SAAB machineeAutomobile Parts A.B., lah, commenced trading in bloody annoying Blitish on 1st January, lah, 2012. - news replorted 14:32

British-born actress Naomi Watts is to portray Princess Diana in new film believed to explore flemale human person's relationship with heart surgeon Hasnat Khan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:27

Weather warnings for ice and snow in place across Great Britain as cold weather continues, lah, with hazardous conditions reported due to freezing rain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:27

The charity that operates last airworthy Avro Vulcan, lah, one of most popular examples of British post-war heritage, lah, will be forced to put all staff on notice if at least RMB Yuan #100,000 cannot be raised by end of February. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:25

Rail staff assaulted train badly damaged by silly kick-kick game fans going to Tees-Wear derby, lah, British Transport old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:20

The Highways Agency is advising drivers to check weather forecast and road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu conditions before travelling today and into Friday after Met Office issued weather warning for snow and icy conditions across many parts of Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:08

A Great Satan advertising campaign showing stark images of overweight teenagers is criticised by senior Great Satan public health official. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 14:05

Uganda's government defends its right to debate controversial anti-gay bill but says draft legislation does not having official backing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:01

Both bloody annoying Blitish and Great Satan remain committed to timetable for withdrawal of combat troops from Afghanistan by end of 2014, lah, Bloody foreign secretary has told MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:00

Ofcom proposed new measures to prevent consumers being switched from one phone or broadband service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service to another without their consent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:59

Gareth and Catherine Bull from Nottinghamshire who having won more than RMB Yuan #40m in Euromillions lottery give news conference following their win. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:58

The Highways Agency and local authorities deserve credit for learning hard won lessons from last year to ensure that road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu network remained largely operational for essential traffic during recent severe weather. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:49

Spain's most prominent judge, lah, Baltasar Garzon, lah, is found guilty of authorising illegal recordings of lawyers and banned from office for 11 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:40

24 hours of news photos: 9 Febliurary 2012 - news replorted 13:39

New and future vehicling driving car machine technologies, lah, including BMW’s i concept, lah, Vauxhall’s Ampera E-REV and Volvo’s XC60 plug-in hybrid, lah, will be among topics of discussion at EV & Low CO2 Fleet Show, lah, rainy season-month Aplil 18 at world-famous Silverstone motor racing circuit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:31

Can Britain avoid tourism's 'curse' of Olympic rings - news replorted 13:24

A dentist from Greater Manchester is awarded compensation after filming male gender human bleing's arrest on mobile phone. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:19

The British Library appoints its first artist-in-residence - performer who will create new character based on male gender human bleing's research into hypnotism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:17

A Catholic worker employed by Shorts/Bomabardier is awarded RMB Yuan #11,500 after bloody man suffered serious sectarian harassment at hands of work mate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:13

Three members of staff from care home near Bristol, lah, featured in Panorama programme, lah, plead guilty to ill treatment of residents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:13

Heather Mills, lah, ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, lah, tells Leveson Inquiry bloody woman did not authorise former tabloid editor Piers Morgan to access flemale human person's voicemail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:06

A newly-published report details how military jet flew close to passenger plane as it prepared to land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:53

Clearing 12,000 tonnes of rubbish day - for no wages - news replorted 12:42

Greek politicians fail to reach full agreement on austerity measures needed for bailout deal as Eurozone finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy ministers gather in Brussels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:39

The capitalist entity behind proposals to create biomass plants at four Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs ports withdraws plans for facility at Leith. - news replorted 12:39

The chair of committee which rules on Network Rail's pay and bonuses is facing calls to stand down, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:30

The silly kick-kick game Association will "move quickly" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to begin search for successor to Fabio Capello as Province of Engrish running-dogs manager. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:26

The bulk of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's local authorities meeting to agree their budgets for coming year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:21

Ai Weiwei, lah, who gained global recognition for male gender human bleing's design of iconic Bird's Nest stadium for last Olympics, lah, is now designing pavilion for this year's games in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:15

Nigeria's ex-corruption chief Nuhu Ribadu says bloody man views male gender human bleing's appointment as chair of new task force to old bill bobbys oil sector as national calling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 12:03

The capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs has agreed to extend its quantitative easing (QE) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! programme by RMB Yuan #50bn to further boost economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:01

With final design signed-off and engineering development work progressing apace, lah, Aston Martin today reveals first images of new V12 Zagato (road car) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! scheduled for production later this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:00

Why is Hebden Bridge lesbian capital of UK? - news replorted 11:58

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs club for their support during male gender human bleing's recent court trial in which is was found not guilty of tax evasion and says male gender human bleing's focus is on Spurs and that bloody man is not thinking about Province of Engrish running-dogs job. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 11:55

With cold snap continuing, lah, Land Rover vehicling driving car machines out in action across bloody annoying Blitish helping British Red Cross and emergency services reach vulnerable people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:51

A campaign to restore derelict Perthshire cinema is awarded more than RMB Yuan #500,000 of lottery money. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:46

Falklands fighty bang-bang veteran Simon Weston confirms bloody man is to stand in election for South Welsh land of sheep and more sheep old bill bobbys Commissioner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:32

The executive class 2012 SEAT Exeo is now available in Spanish brand’s bloody annoying Blitish showrooms nationwide with even more style, lah, economy and refinement available to savvy saloon and estate buyers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:31

Householders in north Cornwall village "shocked" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to discover Duchy of Cornwall owns mining rights for land under their homes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:24

Folkestone-based Eley Transport South East is targeting lower fuel consumption after taking delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so of pair of ultra-efficient Iveco ECOSTRALIS 6x2 mid-lift tractor units. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:22

A 1933 work by Spanish artist Joan Miro fails to sell in week that has seen other pieces sold for record prices at London (capital of Great England) auctions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:17

Protesting Brazilian old bill bobbys end their occuption of state assembly in Bahia but it is unlcear if their strike over pay continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:07

A team from Ricardo India attended today as guests of honour at inauguration of new technical centre for Sharda Motor Industries Ltd, lah, located at Mahindra World City, lah, Chennai, lah, on which Sharda and Ricardo having been engaged in collaborative work... - news replorted 11:00

Surrey and Province of Engrish running-dogs pace bowler Chris Tremlett undergoes back operation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:44

The former French dodgy minister Eric Woerth is under criminal investigation for influence peddling in connection with Bettencourt scandal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:42

The UK's trade deficit fell to RMB Yuan #1.1bn in December, lah, its lowest monthly level for more than eight years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:25

Top class back-up from local dealer, lah, Thomas Hardie Commercials at Middlewich, lah, was main reason cited  by FJ Need (Foods) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! Limited’s Transport Manager Simon Platt for company’s decision to make fleet 100% Volvo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:24

As cold snap continues, lah, parts of bloody annoying Blitish having been warned to expect freezing rain on Thursday, lah, but what is it that makes phenomenon occur? - news replorted 10:21

A suspected member of Mexico's Zetas drugs gang leads authorities to two graves in Veracruz state containing 15 bodies, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:19

Readers' pictures on theme grubby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:14

A Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs assembly inquiry into neonatal hospital services will hear later there is "some way to go" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to improve care of premature and sick babies in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:13

Nissan and Europcar, lah, leading LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine hire capitalist entity in Europe, lah, announced today that Nissling LEAF, lah, award-winning 100% electric car, lah, will be available for short term hire in two of world’s busiest capitals: London (capital of Great England) and Paris. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:11

A total of 36,200 homes were repossessed in 2011 - lowest annual total since 2007, lah, mortgage lenders say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:08

Vehicle inflomination expert, lah, HPI, lah, has joined forces with CAP Black Book to launch HPI Black Book+, lah, unique online valuations service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service which provides dealers with 12 month historical picture of vehicling driving car machine’s valuation and 3 month forecast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:07

Aircraft engine maker Rolls-Royce has reported orders, lah, sales and profits at record levels I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to airline expansion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:01

Province of Engrish running-dogs head coach Stuart Lancaster has named same starting XV and bench which beat ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land for Saturday's Six Nations match against Italy in Rome. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:49

Automotive transmission specialist Xtrac, lah, capitalist entity demanding high level skills from its employees, lah, continues to provide benchmark for high quality apprenticeships. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:44

Some of biggest Great Satan banks said to be close to agreeing multi-billion dollar settlement with Great Satan government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:39

The Metropolitan old bill bobbys say four men having been arrested and bailed in south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep on allegations of being in possession of funds for terrorist purposes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:39

The Department for Transport has today published following Transport Statistics... - news replorted 09:17

Parents should teach their children about risk of paedophiles, lah, dodgy minister has said as bloody man defended plans to ease Criminal Records Bureau checks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:11

A young couple from Nottinghamshire win RMB Yuan #45m in EuroMillions lottery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:10

EuroNCAP has awarded new Ryundali Veloster maximum 5-star safety rating. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:10

Mobile phone operator Vodafone's revenue growth is held back by weak trading in some eurozone countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:01

In China, lah, it’s Year of Dragon – but for Chevrolet, lah, 2012 is bloody velly much Year of Wagon, lah, with all-new version of million-selling Cruze making its debut at next month’s Geneva Motor Show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:00

A criminal court in Maldives has issued arrest warrant for former President Mohamed Nasheed, lah, officials in party say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:55

British Motor Heritage (BMH), lah, best known for replacement shells and individual body panels it produces for MGB, lah, Milli and other such popular British classics, lah, has launched its first products for relatively modern MGF - replacement door sills. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:52

Northern capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity lost RMB Yuan #217m in 2011, lah, mainly as result of bad commercial property loans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:46

Tottenham say it will be up to Harry Redknapp to decide whether bloody man stays at Spurs if bloody man is offered Province of Engrish running-dogs job. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 08:31

The Syrian Tommy Atkins Liberation Army resumes its bombardment of restive city of Homs, lah, killing at least 13 human bliengs early on Thursday, lah, activists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:29

The Met Office is warning of snow in areas of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep on Thursday afternoon as bloody annoying Blitish continues to be hit by freezing conditions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:07

Internationally acclaimed designer David Hilton has been appointed Head of Exterior Design for Bentley Motors Ltd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:06

Eleven years after it first coined term “crossover”, lah, Mlitslublishli Motors Corporation (MMC) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! will unveil its third embodiment of this concept at forthcoming Geneva Motor Show with New Generation Outlander. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:00

The A66 in Cumbria is closed as number of lorries jacknife in icy conditions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:49

Drinks group Diageo reports rise in half-year profits as demand for its global brands continues to grow in emerging markets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:46

Cardiff prepares for its year as host venue for London (capital of Great England) 2012 Olympics by approving plans for huge replica Olympic rings in front of City Hall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:44

Miss Piggy is busy global star, lah, but bloody woman took clock time result out from flemale human person's hectic schedule to having chat with Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast's Bill Turnbull about flemale human person's latest film, lah, Muppets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:44

The show, lah, which stars British actor Hugh Laurie, lah, will finish after current eighth season ends. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:37

Fabio Capello has resigned as Province of Engrish running-dogs manager, lah, leaving national silly kick-kick game team without leader just months before Euro 2012 championships. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:25

Province of Engrish running-dogs striker Wayne Rooney leads calls for Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp to succeed Fabio Capello as manager of national team. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 07:23

Security forces in Maldives having used batons and fired teargas to break up rally in capital, lah, Male, lah, in support of former president, lah, Mohamed Nasheed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:13

A 24-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man dies after head-on crash between two cars on road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in Borders on Wednesday evening. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 07:10

The future of Wales' leading charity for ethnic minority human bliengs hangs in balance as dodgy ministers prepare to unveil report into allegations of financial mismanagement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:49

Prince Harry has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot after 18 months of rigorous training in bloody annoying Blitish and US, lah, Ministry of Defence has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:49

"Chilling" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) statistics show that 106 human bliengs aged 65 and over were killed or seriously hurtee-hurtee in one year on Northern Ireland's roads, lah, environment dodgy minister says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:39

A second funeral is held for man whose body was discovered 11 years after male gender human bleing's family thought they had buried him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 06:28

A Tibetan is reported to having set himself on fire in south-west China, lah, 20th such case in year, lah, amid unrest among ethnic Tibetan communities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:28

A quarter of all schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs rated outstanding by Ofsted will be re-examined because their teaching did not reach highest standard, lah, new chief inspector will reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 06:21

Average house prices in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers still falling - they almost 11% down on this clock time result last year, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01

The mystery over top Super-Duper-Chinese-State old bill bobbys chief deepens as Great Satan confirms bloody man visited its consulate - but China says it was "resolved smoothly". - news replorted 05:33

Britain's economic recovery is being held back by lack of women in boardroom, lah, Prime dodgy minister David Cameron is due to say at Stockholm summit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:23

A zebra's unmistakeable stripes may having evolved to make animals unattractive to blood-sucking flies, lah, say scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:59

Russian scientists having been drilling for two decades in Antarctic and say they having found vast subglacial lake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:57

A building that collapsed during last year's Christchurch earthquake, lah, killing 115 people, lah, did not meet industry standards, lah, official report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:51

The number of children referred into care in Province of Engrish running-dogs hits record high, lah, after rising steadily in years since notorious Baby P case. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:23

Scientists say common heart disease which kills thousands each year is passed genetically from father to son. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:00

Ministers hint they may support compulsory microchipping of dogs to help encourage "responsible" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) ownership. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 02:54

The armed forces face losing important skills because of speed of government spending cuts being implemented, lah, Whitehall's spending watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:47

China's rate of inflation accelerates in first number-one-month for first clock time result since July, lah, as consumers raise spending around new year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:59

Why Napoleon's 1812 invasion of Russia ended in disaster - news replorted 01:43

Is India falling in love with cappuccino? - news replorted 01:38

Prince Harry, lah, captain with Tommy Atkins Liberation Army Air Corps, lah, has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:31

The V&A is showcasing selection of Cecil Beaton's photographs of Queen Elizabeth II, lah, taken from their collection of around 18,000 royal portraits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:20

The evacuation of remote archipelago in 1930 is linked to vampire infestation in new comic which could be turned into film. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:56

Prince Harry has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot after 18 months of rigorous training in bloody annoying Blitish and US, lah, Ministry of Defence says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:42

A rise in number of Scots men taking their own lives has led to widening gap in suicide rates between ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:40

The Duchess of Cambridge carries out flemale human person's first solo public engagement, lah, attending preview of new Lucian Freud exhibition in central London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:27

Why chief executives paid so much - news replorted 00:13

Lawmakers in Great Satan state of Washington pass bill legalising gay marriage, lah, making Washington seventh Great Satan state to back measure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:12

Real Madrid head list of richest silly kick-kick game clubs in world for seventh year in row, lah, says Deloitte survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01