Fiat Grande Punto Lease delivered to Brian Watson in Milfield

Visit my full letters page click here
Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Brian Watson in Milfield. Bloody cat!
Brian says…Ling�s service has been efficient, good value for money and great fun, a combination that is hard to beat. Wish my bank was [...]

Seat Leon FR Leasing Cheap £275.99 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Seat Leon FR deal to my contract hire and leasing website!

I added New Seat Leon FR 2.0 TDI CR (167bhp) FR Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Non-metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £275.99 inc VAT per [...]

Seat Ibiza Leasing Cheap £189.74 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Seat Ibiza deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Seat Ibiza 1.4 16v (85bhp) SE Hatchback 5dr 1390cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and [...]

Audi A3 Leasing Cheap £258.74 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new Audi A3 .

I added New Audi A3 1.9 TDIe (105bhp) SE Sportback Hatchback 5dr 1896cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Non-metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly [...]

Vauxhall Corsa Leasing Cheap £183.99 inc VAT

I have just uploaded a new Vauxhall Corsa cheap lease deal to my contract hire website!

I added New Vauxhall Corsa 1.3 CDTi 16v (73bhp) ecoFlex Club (105g) Hatchback 3dr 1248cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £183.99 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed [...]

Mercedes Cls-class Lease delivered to Patrick Rice in Belfast

Visit my full letters page click here
Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Patrick Rice. It was sent to me quite a while ago!
Patrick says…My new Mercedes CLS arrived on time and just as you have suggested. [...]

Lower CO2 on my BMW 3-Series Saloon

I am simply faster than any other car sales website in changing these BMW 3-Series Saloon 2.0 i (143bhp) 318i ES Saloon 4dr 1995cc Petrol Manual details to reflect the latest info. No one can keep up with me. Often the manufacturer websites are out of date!
Physical stock is always limited, as cars [...]

Land Rover Discovery Leasing Cheap £538.20 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new Land Rover Discovery .

I added New Land Rover Discovery 2.7 TD V6 (190bhp) GS 4WD Station Wagon (7-seat) 5dr 2720cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is [...]

Land Rover Freelander 2 Leasing Cheap £360.97 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Land Rover Freelander 2 deal to my contract hire and leasing website!

I added New Land Rover Freelander 2 2.2 Td4 e 16v (157bhp) S [Stop/Start] 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 2179cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. [...]

Mercedes CLK-Class Cabriolet Leasing Cheap £482.99 inc VAT

I have been offered the following lease car deal, so here it is! I have just uploaded a new Mercedes CLK-Class Cabriolet deal to my contract hire website!

I added New Mercedes CLK-Class Cabriolet 1.8 16v (184bhp) 200 Kompressor Sport Convertible 2dr 1796cc Petrol, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a [...]

Mercedes CLK-Class Cabriolet Leasing Cheap £448.49 inc VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes CLK-Class Cabriolet cheap lease deal to my contract hire website!

I added New Mercedes CLK-Class Cabriolet 1.8 16v (184bhp) 200 Kompressor Sport Convertible 2dr 1796cc Petrol, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £448.49 inc VAT per month with 3 months [...]

Mercedes B-Class Leasing Cheap £298.99 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new Mercedes B-Class .

I added New Mercedes B-Class 1.5 (95bhp) B150 Sport MPV 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly [...]

Mercedes B-Class Leasing Cheap £264.49 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Mercedes B-Class deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots!

I added New Mercedes B-Class 1.5 (95bhp) B150 Sport MPV 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £264.49 inc [...]

Seat Toledo Lease delivered to Bill Stirling in Rothwell

Visit my full letters page click here
My letters webpage must be just about the longest on the internet! Currently, there are 1330 letters on my website. Letters are great, as they are like a window on my customers’ happiness. My good customer Bill Stirling wrote this one:
Bill says…“Dear Ling,
This was my first experience of leasing [...]

Mercedes A-Class Leasing Cheap £241.49 inc VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes A-Class cheap lease deal to my contract hire website!

I added New Mercedes A-Class 1.5 A150 (95bhp) Classic SE Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £241.49 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 [...]

Possible enviro banding change on the BMW Z4 Roadster

My system has alerted me that the BMW Z4 Roadster (New Shape) 2.5 i (201bhp) sDrive 2.3i Convertible 2dr 2497cc Petrol Manual has changed today so I update my website and post here for the benefit of customers. No one else bothers with this stuff. I treat you like adult, not idiot.
As a [...]

Mercedes C-Class Estate Leasing Cheap £390.99 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes C-Class Estate deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes C-Class Estate 2.2 CDi (134bhp) C200 Sport Estate 5dr 2148cc Diesel, with Automatic [...]

Mercedes M-Class Leasing Cheap £666.99 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Mercedes M-Class deal to my contract hire and leasing website!

I added New Mercedes M-Class 3.0 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY 24v (187bhp) ML300 CDI Sport 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 2987cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £666.99 inc [...]

Mercedes M-Class Leasing Cheap £609.49 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes M-Class deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes M-Class 3.0 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY 24v (187bhp) ML300 CDI Sport 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 2987cc Diesel, [...]

Mercedes B-Class Leasing Cheap £264.49 inc VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes B-Class cheap lease deal to my contract hire website!

I added New Mercedes B-Class 1.5 i 8v (93bhp) B150 BlueEFFICIENCY Sport Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £264.49 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed [...]

Mercedes B-Class Leasing Cheap £262.19 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes B-Class deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes B-Class 1.5 i 8v (93bhp) B150 BlueEFFICIENCY SE Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox [...]

Mercedes A-Class Leasing Cheap £275.99 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Mercedes A-Class deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots!

I added New Mercedes A-Class 1.5 A150 (95bhp) Classic SE Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £275.99 inc VAT [...]

Mercedes A-Class Leasing Cheap £254.14 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes A-Class deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes A-Class 1.5 i BlueEFFICIENCY 8v (93bhp) A160 Classic SE Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual [...]

Mercedes A-Class Leasing Cheap £262.19 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Mercedes A-Class deal to my contract hire and leasing website!

I added New Mercedes A-Class 1.5 i 8v (93bhp) A150 BlueEFFICIENCY Classic SE Hatchback 3dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £262.19 inc VAT per [...]

Mercedes A-Class Leasing Cheap £224.24 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new Mercedes A-Class .

I added New Mercedes A-Class 1.5 i 8v (93bhp) A150 BlueEFFICIENCY Classic SE Hatchback 3dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a [...]

Mercedes A-Class Leasing Cheap £275.99 inc VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes A-Class cheap lease deal to my contract hire website!

I added New Mercedes A-Class 1.5 i 8v (93bhp) A150 BlueEFFICIENCY Classic SE Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £275.99 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, [...]

Mercedes A-Class Leasing Cheap £234.59 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Mercedes A-Class deal to my contract hire and leasing website!

I added New Mercedes A-Class 1.5 i 8v (93bhp) A150 BlueEFFICIENCY Classic SE Hatchback 5dr 1498cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £234.59 inc VAT per [...]

Mercedes C-Class Estate Leasing Cheap £436.99 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Mercedes C-Class Estate deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots!

I added New Mercedes C-Class Estate 2.2 CDI 16v (134bhp) C200 SE Estate 5dr 2148cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £374.89 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots!

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 2.2 CDi (134bhp) C200 SE Saloon 4dr 2148cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £374.89 [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £338.09 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 2.2 CDi (134bhp) C200 SE Saloon 4dr 2148cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £402.49 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 2.2 CDi (134bhp) C200 Sport Saloon 4dr 2148cc Diesel, with Automatic [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £436.99 inc VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes C-Class Saloon cheap lease deal to my contract hire website!

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 2.2 CDi (134bhp) C200 Sport Saloon 4dr 2148cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £436.99 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £438.14 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.6 K BlueEFFICIENCY (153bhp) C180K Sport Saloon 4dr 1597cc Petrol, with [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £387.54 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots!

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.6 K BlueEFFICIENCY (153bhp) C180K Sport Saloon 4dr 1597cc Petrol, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £386.39 inc VAT

Hey, dudes!!! Pay attention! I have just uploaded a new car lease Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal to my contract hire and leasing website!

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.6 K BlueEFFICIENCY (153bhp) C180K SE Saloon 4dr 1597cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £386.39 inc VAT [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £386.39 inc VAT

If you check my car leasing website, you will see I have just added a new cheap contract hire Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal! I added this, because it looked cheap to me. I do not add expensive cars.

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.6 K BlueEFFICIENCY (153bhp) C180K SE Saloon 4dr 1597cc Petrol, with [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £339.24 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new Mercedes C-Class Saloon .

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.6 K BlueEFFICIENCY (153bhp) C180K SE Saloon 4dr 1597cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £399.04 inc VAT

Woo-hoo! I have just uploaded a new lease Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal to my car leasing and contract hire website! This is damn cheap, filling your boots!

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.6 K BlueEFFICIENCY (153bhp) C180K SE Saloon 4dr 1597cc Petrol, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. [...]

Mercedes C-Class Saloon Leasing Cheap £350.74 inc VAT

Look at this cheap new car leasing deal I have uploaded to my contract hire website about 2 minutes ago! I have just uploaded a new Mercedes C-Class Saloon .

I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.6 K BlueEFFICIENCY (153bhp) C180K SE Saloon 4dr 1597cc Petrol, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint.
It is on [...]

Bmw 3-series Saloon Lease delivered to Brad Hoskins in Cardiff

Visit my full letters page click here
Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Brad Hoskins, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Bmw 3-series Saloon.
Brad says…“Ling offers a clear service from first to last. Every [...]

New CO2 figure for the Skoda Superb

CO2 CO2, CO2. It always seems to go up. The Skoda Superb 1.9 TDi (103bhp) Greenline Hatchback 5dr 1796cc Diesel Manual seems to have reversed this trend. If you choose one of these, you will be pleased. Lower CO2 means lower fuel consumption.
Oh, I get very mad about this, but I cannot say [...]

Mercedes C-class Saloon Lease delivered to Neil Mcintyre in Liverpool

Visit my full letters page click here
Getting letters in the post is really nice. It makes a lovely change from getting email. This one was sent by Neil Mcintyre from Liverpool. Amazingly, the postman didn’t steal it!
Neil says…Had a few hiccups (mostly from the dodgy sweets Ling sent) but got there in the end. Not [...]

Car CO2 change for the Honda Accord Tourer

All the people with orders in my system for the Honda Accord Tourer 2.2 DTEC (147bhp) EX Estate 5dr 2199cc Diesel Manual will be quite pleased by this news. I am making a change, because the environment stuff seems to have moved slightly.
Most Ling cars are on 2 year deals or less, so you [...]

Mark Stoddart Jamie Hurst Jonny Scott Ling’s IT LINGsCARS web University programmer developer designer experts in Sunderland Echo by Alison Goulding Twitter Internet Nerds

World Wide Wackiness

Don’t be fooled by the fun: Ling Valentine and her team mean business. And with a 2008 turnover of £35 million on track to jump to £40 million this year, there’s method in their madness.
LINGsCARS.com began life in 2001 as a traditional car contract hire business.
But Ling, who comes from Chengdu, in Sichuan, [...]

Mini One (old Model) Lease delivered to Martin Lonsdale in St Helens

Visit my full letters page click here
I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Martin Lonsdale explains how they are getting on with their Mini One (old Model)
Martin says…What a great experience! Ling has bent over backwards to help [...]

Lower CO2 on my Seat Leon FR

Fuel is a fortune these days, so when the Seat Leon FR 2.0 TDI CR (167bhp) FR Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual has slightly changed figures, I always blog about it, because my customers say they care.
You need to insure the car fully comp, as normal with any new car. The car can [...]

Lease delivered to Craig Roberts in Towcester

Visit my full letters page click here
Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Craig Roberts. It was sent to me quite a while ago!
Craig says…Hi Ling,
After an afternoon of looking at contract hire sites, ready to jump [...]

Fuel economy and CO2 change on my BMW 1-Series Convertible

CO2 CO2, CO2. It always seems to go up. The BMW 1-Series Convertible 2.0 i (140bhp) 118i ES Convertible 2dr 1995cc Petrol Manual seems to have reversed this trend. If you choose one of these, you will be pleased. Lower CO2 means lower fuel consumption.
At the end of the contract, the car is [...]

Citroen Xsara Picasso Lease delivered to Cressida Sadler in Attleborough

Visit my full letters page click here
Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Cressida Sadler in Attleborough. Bloody cat!
Cressida says…“Dear Ling
Thanks for the wonderful, professional, friendly and first class service. We know we can rely on you each and every time. We [...]

My Reliant Robin CO2 g/km levels

CO2 CO2, CO2. It always seems to go up. The Reliant Robin 0.85 (37bhp) Robin Hatchback 3dr 848cc Petrol Manual seems to have reversed this trend. If you choose one of these, you will be pleased. Lower CO2 means lower fuel consumption.
At the end of the contract, the car is collected from you [...]

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I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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MINI BLOG

I am GAY ICON! WoW!

Posted: 04/02/10

Comments ( 1 )

How amazing! I have my first Civil Partnership couple, both applying a car EACH! That was two weeks ago; the sensible one has alre... READ MORE

NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015

Posted: 04/03/10

Comments ( 0 )

Listening to the radio in our cars is something we all take for granted. Every car these days comes with a good quality radio, and... READ MORE

Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...

I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!

Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am - Ling

THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 624022
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007

Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

LATEST: Burma's leaders formally annul National League for Democracy's 1990 election win, lah, as more details of new poll laws emerge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:25

LATEST: Sebastian Pinera is sworn in as president of quake-hit Chile, lah, as 7.2-magnitude aftershock strikes centre of country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:24

bloody annoying Blitish forces to hand security powers in Afghan district of Musa Qala to Great Satan troops, lah, defence secretary says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:18

Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych secures coalition in parliament and one of male gender human bleing's loyalists is confirmed as Pm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 16:11

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg says bloody man will pose four "tests" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to Labour and Conservatives if they wanting support in hung Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:05

Two men found guilty of murdering Dungannon supermarket manager almost two years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 16:05

Justice Secretary Jack Straw meets mother of murdered toddler James Bulger to discuss return to prison of one of flemale human person's son's killers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:56

Reigning champions Germany end Province of Engrish running-dogs's hopes of reaching World Cup final with 4-1 victory in their last-four clash. - news replorted 15:56

A businessman is jailed for masterminding scam which saw tens of millions of battery hen eggs sold as free-range or organic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 15:54

Pink Floyd tracks may be removed from digital music services like iTunes after High Court ruling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:52

Three Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters and peer tell court they not guilty of charges of false accounting in relation to their expenses claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:51

A man is jailed for murdering male gender human bleing's ex-girlfriend but male gender human bleing's barrister claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody woman would still be alive if flemale human person's 999 call had been handled differently. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:43

A Dundee teacher convicted of assaulting two pupils is given absolute discharge after appeal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:36

First results from Iraq's election show PM Nouri Maliki's grouping leading in two southern provinces, lah, electoral body says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:03

A 64-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is found dead outside male gender human bleing's home in Greater Manchester after old bill bobbys receive reports of youths causing trouble. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:57

Plans for new high-speed rail line between London (capital of Great England) and Birmingham announced by Transport Secretary Lord Adonis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:51

Afghanistan does not wanting other countries' "proxy wars" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) fought on its soil, lah, President Hamid Karzai says in Islamabad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:47

Sir Alex Ferguson challenges Wayne Rooney to surpass Cristiano Ronaldo's 42-goal season for Manchester United. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:30

Are we really ready to let go of education balloons? - news replorted 13:19

US Vice-President Joe Biden says Middle East peace talks must resume, lah, despite row over Israeli settlement plans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:19

Hamas releases British journalist, lah, Paul Martin, lah, accused of spying and jailed for nearly month in Gaza Strip. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 13:08

The prime dodgy minister attends service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service to rededicate Basra Memorial Wall following its relocation to Staffordshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:57

Keeping up with theatrical Joneses - news replorted 12:54

Musician Pete Doherty is banned from driving after admitting allowing male gender human bleing's manager to using male gender human bleing's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine without insurance. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:54

A judge tells man bloody man must serve at least 18 years for stabbing male gender human bleing's friend in heart in street fight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:52

Whistleblowing hotlines and random checks should be used to catch parents who cheat over school places, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:40

Mexican Carlos Slim overtakes Bill Gates as world's richest man, lah, according to Forbes "rich list", lah, with fortune of $53.5bn. - news replorted 12:39

The Tyrone Crystal factory near Dungannon is to close with loss of 31 jobs, lah, after 40 years in existence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:34

Ex-Bosnian President Ejup Ganic, lah, who faces fighty bang-bang crimes allegations, lah, has been given bail by London's High Court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:24

Province of Engrish running-dogs's men take on Germany in semi-finals of Hockey World Cup, lah, having reached last four for first clock time result since 1986. - news replorted 12:11

A murderer who killed and dismembered salesman refuses to tell old bill bobbys about other men bloody man chopped up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:06

A woman convicted of attempted killing of flemale human person's husband dies in assisted suicide at Swiss clinic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:03

Network Rail maintenance workers vote in favour of strikes, lah, bringing about possibility of action over Easter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:03

Department store group John Lewis reports 9.7% rise in annual profits to RMB Yuan #306.6m as staff share bumper bonus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:44

The Bloody foreign Office says five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy from Oldham kidnapped in Pakistan has not been released. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:38

Province of Engrish running-dogs will make last-minute call on fitness of Stuart Broad for first Test against Bangladesh in Chittagong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:34

Politicians look away as Cyprus dies of drought - news replorted 11:22

Survivors of violence in central Nigeria on Sunday having been telling Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation what happened. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:19

The dawning age of agricultural automatons - news replorted 11:02

Blue Peter dog Mabel, lah, one of show's longest-serving pets, lah, is to retire after 14 years, lah, it is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:54

Most families in Province of Engrish running-dogs were given their first choice of secondary school - but picture is varied. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:45

Public and transport services grind to halt in Greece as workers stage third strike in protest at austerity measures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:32

old bill bobbys forces in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep being criticised for failing to deal adequately with anti-social behaviour. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:25

The Red Knights group eyeing possible bid for Manchester United says investment capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Nomura will advise it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:19

Inspections on four Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs old bill bobbys forces to be published on new website finds services generally "fair" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) or "good boiled chicken-feet". - news replorted 10:17

Lost Boys actor Corey Haim was "tormented soul", lah, male gender human bleing's friend and fellow actor Corey Feldman says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:12

Bank of America has apologised to woman in Pennsylvania after one of its contractors entered flemale human person's house and confiscated flemale human person's parrot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:06

More than 100 firefighters tackle major fire at restaurant and office block in central London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:02

Take That star Mark Owen says bloody man is "deeply sorry" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for cheating on male gender human bleing's partner of five years before they married in 2009. - news replorted 09:55

Your pictures of week on theme of impressions - news replorted 09:37

Ennobling human bliengs from outside Parliament to make them dodgy ministers should be "exceptional", lah, cross-party Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:29

New skirmishes in fighty bang-bang of Daily Mail v internet - news replorted 09:28

A gaming service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service that aims to kill off traditional gaming console will begin streaming games over net in June-mber month this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:19

The Palestinian Authority says indirect talks with Israel will be "very difficult" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if more homes built on occupied land as planned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:19

Two human bliengs rescued from first floor flat in Ballysillan road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu area of north Belfast which is destroyed in fire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:16

Greater Manchester old bill bobbys is told it failed woman murdered by flemale human person's ex-partner as report grades it as one of worst in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:59

Province of Engrish running-dogs bowler Graham Onions is ruled out of two-Test series against Bangladesh with back injury, lah, but there more encouraging signals about Stuart Broad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:12

Manchester United midfielder Owen Hargreaves will not make male gender human bleing's return from injury in reserve game on Thursday, lah, as originally planned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:44

Oil giant BP announces $7bn (RMB Yuan #4.7bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! deal that will allow it to begin exploring for oil off coast of Brazil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:36

Press focus on apology to women raped by father - news replorted 05:50

Russian PM Vladimir Putin is due in India for talks expected to focus on arms and energy contracts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:16

old bill bobbys failing to record and tackle anti-social behaviour, lah, according to review. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! How can they improve? - news replorted 05:16

old bill bobbys say 49 human bliengs to be charged with murder following communal violence that left scores of Nigerian villagers dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:00

Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown labels as "unfair" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) criticisms over timing of male gender human bleing's weekend visit to British troops in Afghanistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:00

Union leaders representing British Airways cabin crew will meet later to decide whether to announce dates for strike. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:00

Sony reveals details about its new motion controller PlayStation Move, lah, as contender to market leader Nintendo Wii. - news replorted 03:57

'Open carry' activists weekly shop with gun - news replorted 02:06

The bloody annoying Blitish Fire service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service College failed to comply with fire safety laws when part of its own premises burnt down, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation learns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:09

Too many patients in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep not getting their medicines in hospital, lah, safety watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:01

Wellderly, lah, webinar and disbenefits among new forms of jargon being used by public sector, lah, survey reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:48

Beijing's silent invasion of electric bicycles - news replorted 00:18

Insurers paid out RMB Yuan #650m from 335,000 claim (always claiming, huh?) made as result of damage caused by wintry weather in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:07

Closer co-operation between Holyrood and Westminster will only be achieved if it is backed by political will, lah, committee of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03

Schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs being issued with new guidance on how to spot signs that children involved with gangs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01

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