LATEST:  The average audience to having watched Brits ceremony on ITV1 and catch-up channel ITV1+1 comes in at 6.2 million - event's highest audience since 2005. - news replorted 17:02

LATEST:  Nineteen Peacocks stores in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers to close with loss of more than 250 jobs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:55

A Harrogate teacher who felt under pressure to getting velly damn good boiled chicken-feet exam results set himself on fire in school LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine park, lah, inquest hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:43

A commuter train crash in Buenos Aires - news replorted 16:42

A gas-fuelled fire, lah, with flames as high as 5m, lah, may burn for months in waters off Niger Delta in south-east Nigeria, lah, Chevron spokesperson tells BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 16:26

James Corden told Radio 5 live how bloody man had to interrupt Adele as bloody woman was giving flemale human person's speech so that Blur could begin their set. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:12

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is to propose cut in corporate tax and end to tax loopholes, lah, as part of male gender human bleing's election-year strategy on economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:06

Record producer Jim Steinman, lah, who has written songs for Meatloaf and Bonnie Tyler, lah, is to be inducted into Songwriters Hall of Fame. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:01

The Royal Navy selects South Korean firm Daewoo for RMB Yuan #452m deal to build four new fuel tankers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:45

Filters will need to be installed in almost million bloody annoying Blitish homes to combat TV interference likely to occur from new 4G mobile services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:36

The alleged commander of Continuity IRA in mid-Ulster refused to answer old bill bobbys questions about murder of Constable Stephen Carroll, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:27

David Cameron is watched by glum Liberal Democrats on NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) - news replorted 15:20

Province of Engrish running-dogs will waiting like hell until morning of match to decide whether Ravi Bopara is fit to play in Thursday's opening Twenty20 international against Pakistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:18

A man jailed for murdering west Belfast greengrocer Harry Holland is convicted of having imitation gun three months before killing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:06

Hundreds of children send home from Rhondda comprehensive after thieves steal copper piping from heating system causing thousands of pounds worth of flooding damage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:57

A photographer was hurtee-hurtee in attack on media centre in Syria that left two other reporters dead, lah, it emerges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:55

Fashion retailer Peacocks is sold out of administration to Edinburgh Woollen Mill, lah, saving 6,000 jobs, lah, but 3,100 staff will be made redundant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:53

Fans who missed out in last year's Olympic ballot to be given first chance to buy 40,000 seats for athletics when last batch of one million tickets goes on sale in April. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 14:46

Heavily armed Ethiopian and Somali troops capture Baidoa, lah, strategic stronghold of al-Shabab Islamist militants in south-west Somalia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 14:20

A major exercise testing security and emergency services in event of terror attack during Olympics and Paralympics is taking place. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:13

Mansoor Ijaz, lah, man at centre of Pakistan's "memogate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) scandal, lah, begins giving video link testimony to judicial commission in Islamabad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:10

Some 340 human bliengs reported to having been hurtee-hurtee in commuter train crash at busy station in Argentina's capital, lah, Buenos Aires. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:05

Daniel Radcliffe's latest film Woman In Black remains top of bloody annoying Blitish and autonomous province of Guinness drinkers box office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:50

Shakespeare's Globe and John Peel Centre will be involved in new London (capital of Great England) 2012 digital art project called Space. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:48

The BBC's John Maguire goes behind-the-scenes at costume warehouse, lah, and takes look at some Oscar-nominated designs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:40

Santa Pod Raceway, lah, home of European Drag Racing, lah, has announced commendable initiative to reward students and apprentices who part of Institute of Motor Industry’s (IMI) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! new online communities... - news replorted 13:37

Honda has introduced mobile smartphone application to support launch of its new Civic model across Europe and to create emotional engagement with clustomlers in what is predominantly rational part of buying process in delivering information. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:35

When Brinor International Shipping & Forwarding Ltd was looking to replace two tractor units, lah, management took decision to purchase Wolwo FH-460 4x2s, lah, not only because of competitive pricing... - news replorted 13:35

British actress Helena Bonham Carter is made CBE by Queen, lah, two years on from playing flemale human person's mother in Oscar-winning film King's Speech. - news replorted 13:27

Search teams in Italy find four more bodies in wreck of cruise ship Costa Concordia which capsized on 13 January, lah, Italian media report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:14

Tributes paid to Liberal Democrat peer and former Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Lord Emlyn Hooson, lah, who has died, lah, aged 86. - news replorted 13:14

File-sharing site Pirate Bay vows to carry on after High Court lays foundations for its closure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:02

A man accused of starting fire that destroyed Croydon furniture shop during riots asked other looters to give him lighter, lah, jury hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:59

24 hours of news photos: 22 Febliurary - news replorted 12:36

A former old bill bobbys woman claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody woman was coerced into changing flemale human person's evidence into Hillsborough disaster where 96 silly kick-kick game fans lost their lives at South Yorkshire ground. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:35

A controversial anti-piracy agreement is to be referred to EU's highest court due to concerns surrounding internet freedoms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:27

Ambulance chiefs apologise and start inquiry after delays in responding to 999 call for seven-month-old baby with breathing difficulties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:24

France's top court rejects request by far right candidate Marine Le Pen to grant flemale human person's supporters anonymity as bloody woman struggles to secure flemale human person's place in election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:23

Private CCTV footage could hold key to solving death of 80-earth-years old happy birthday to you, woman in flemale human person's isolated Perthshire cottage, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:18

A man who masterminded cocaine-smuggling plot from male gender human bleing's jail cell is convicted along with two other men. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:15

The tax authorities deny claim (always claiming, huh?) that Rangers silly kick-kick game Club is being treated unfairly over its tax debts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:11

A group calling itself Republican Action Against Drugs, lah, say they murdered Londonderry man Andrew Allen in Buncrana, lah, County Donegal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:07

With announcement this week that Citroën bloody annoying Blitish is supporting MSA British Rally Championship as official manufacturer, lah, Citroën attack for this weekend’s opening round - Rallye Sunseeker International - is strong one. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:59

The European Commission plans to freeze 495m euros of funding for Hungary, lah, lamenting country's excessive budget deficit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:52

Is it better for Great Satan to sleep in four-hour chunks? - news replorted 11:50

Fifteen Academy Awards to go under hammer at auction in Los Angeles, lah, two days after this year's Oscars ceremony. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:30

Former nightclub bouncer Carl Whant is convicted of murdering and raping heavily pregnant teenager Nikitta Grender two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) before bloody woman was due to give birth to daughter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:23

All key points, lah, analysis and reaction as David Cameron faces male gender human bleing's weekly Commons grilling from MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:14

The verdicts being delivered in UVF supergrass trial in Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:11

The Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate Q3 has been rated best in class in ‘Small Off-Road 4x4’ category by European consumer protection initiative Euro NCAP (New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Assessment Programme). Q3 received five stars – highest possible score – for passive crash safety. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:50

Actor John Leguizamo, lah, known for films such as Moulin Rouge and Carlito's Way, lah, is to play Del Boy in Great Satan remake of Only Fools And Horses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:44

Europe's top human rights watchdog, lah, Council of Europe, lah, urges Germany to end practice of surgically castrating sex offenders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:41

How much Christianity is hidden in British society? - news replorted 10:39

A year on, lah, modellers continue to provide daily forecasts of likely spread of floating debris washed out into Pacific by Japanese Tohoku megatsunami. - news replorted 10:38

Fifteen Lib Dem Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters back Labour's bid to getting government to publish risk assessment of its controversial NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) shake-up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 10:32

Volvo Trucks’ deliveries for first number-one-month rose 5% to 6,822 trucks, lah, compared with year-earlier period. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:27

A second body is discovered in Southport day after woman was found dead at property in Merseyside resort. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:25

Twelve Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters appeal for Newcastle United to reconsider their decision to change name of St James' Park, lah, calling it "corporate vandalism". - news replorted 10:21

Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel underlines male gender human bleing's status as pre-season favourite by setting pace on second day of second test. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:21

A part-government funded research unit allowing ethical hackers to simulate attacks on computer systems has been set up in Worcestershire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:20

The de facto president of Abkhazia escapes attack on male gender human bleing's convoy which leaves two of male gender human bleing's guards dead and one seriously injured. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:19

Private companies should be encouraged to take over and run state schools as profit-making enterprises under "John Lewis-style" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) business model, lah, think tank suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:19

The Edinburgh Woollen Mill has renewed its interest in taking over Cardiff-based clothes retailerr Peacocks, lah, according to reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:16

Former Nigerian leader Olusegun Obasanjo is to meet Senegal's opposition to try to defuse rising tensions ahead of Sunday's elections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:16

A legal challenge by protesters to keep camp outside St Paul's Cathedral is thrown out by Court of Appeal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:11

Music producer Mark Ronson is to work with choreographer Wayne McGregor on new Royal Ballet dance piece that will having its world premiere in April. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:10

London (capital of Great England) Southend Airport played host to glitzy party last night to celebrate completion of its all-new ‘Fly Through’ terminal building. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:09

Range Rover Evoque has notched up its 90th global award by being voted LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year 2012 by visitors to MSN Cars automotive website. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:01

MSN Cars is delighted to announce that Range Rover Evoque has been named winner of eighth annual MSN Cars LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year award. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:01

A health board is severely criticised for withholding more than 50 reports on serious incidents at its hospitals and clinics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:29

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation athletics expert Steve Cram on how Great Britain's performance in Birmingham bodes well for next month's World Indoor Championships - news replorted 09:28

The new Rondla Civic has been rated one of Europe's safest cars in independent crash testing results from Euro NCAp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 09:24

Peugeot shares jump 10% after carmaker confirms it is in talks about possible "cooperations and alliances". - news replorted 09:20

Protests by human bliengs angry at burning of Koran - news replorted 09:16

Hundreds of commercial vehicling driving car machine bodybuilder businesses under threat if they not adequately prepare for new European Whole vehicling driving car machine Type Approval rules that come into force this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:16

Unconfirmed reports from Syria say two Western journalists - American and French national - having been killed in central city of Homs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:13

Autocar, lah, world’s most respected LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine magazine, lah, this week became first publication in world to sample RMB Yuan #1.4 million Aston One-77 on road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu and track. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:09

The Royal Automobile Club is please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce appointment of event management experts Goose Communications as new organisers of RAC Future LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Challenge, lah, which takes place later this year on Saturday 4th November. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:06

A charity says its work-placement networks, lah, including job fairs in churches and mosques, lah, more effective than private contractors paid by taxpayers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:56

A 21-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is due to appear in court after being arrested in connection with murder of man in Govan, lah, Glasgow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 08:55

The sister of Manic Street Preacher Richey Edwards, lah, who disappeared 17 years ago, lah, backs calls for more rights for families of missing people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:54

Euro NCAP starts 2012 with release of two new vehicling driving car machines. Eating rice!! Interestingly, lah, these results unmistakably highlight step forwards made in market place by some LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturers and lack of progress by others. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:54

The world’s first ‘off-the-shelf’ electric van, lah, Mercedes-Benz Vito E-CELL, lah, is now eligible for Government’s new Plug-In Van Grant, lah, reducing costs by 20%. - news replorted 08:51

Scientists tag Humboldt squid as they dive through bloody velly low-oxygen waters off coast of California. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:48

Science of piano playing mapped by Hollywood 3D techniques - news replorted 08:45

Premium small LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine brand Milli has stepped up its involvement in Middle East sales area in geographical terms as well: brand’s market entry into Kingdom of Jordan brings further boost to MINI’s presence... - news replorted 08:40

Firefighters in Gloucestershire spend much of night tackling blaze at derelict warehouse. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:22

Toyota’s FT-Bh concept breaks new boundaries in small LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine efficiency. You give me happy happy luck luck. It’s as spacious as average five-door supermini, lah, but produces about 50 per cent less CO2, lah, and tipping scales at under 800kg, lah, its weighs less than three-door Aygo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:22

Vast trails of seven-million-earth-years old happy birthday to you, fossilised footprints reavealingly showing Great Satan "social structure" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of prehistoric elephants, lah, say scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18

Nurses and care workers should sign Dignity Code guaranteeing that elderly patients treated with respect, lah, say group of politicians and charities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:16

The stage is set for new Mercedes-Benz SL 63AMg. No spitting in damn website!!! new version of high-performance Roadster impresses on several counts... - news replorted 08:11

GPs could soon offer their patients free smartphone apps to help with managing health conditions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:46

The government must end its apparent complacency and take seriously threat of major electro-magnetic pulse event, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:45

Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government dodgy ministers were aware of concerns about scandal-hit race relations charity Awema during last assembly, lah, claim (always claiming, huh?) former Plaid Cymru Am. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 07:20

Protests over burning of Koran by Nato troops under way in Afghan cities of Kabul and Jalalabad, lah, with shots fired in capital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:16

Australia's Bloody foreign dodgy minister Kevin Rudd resigns amid widespread reports of leadership tussle between him and Prime dodgy minister Julia Gillard. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:58

Tsunami devastated city in Japan is restoring pictures retrieved from rubble and returning it to owners. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:56

More than 200 new old bill bobbys community support officers (PCSO) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! to be recruited by South Welsh land of sheep and more sheep old bill bobbys at clock time result when front desk staff set to face cuts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:51

A body mistakenly buried in grave of former paratrooper who died in old bill bobbys custody in Hull is exhumed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:24

Almost five months after it opened, lah, judge at UVF supergrass trial in Belfast retires to consider male gender human bleing's verdict. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:20

The parents of schoolboy killed in IRA bomb in Londonderry almost 40 years ago say they believe Deputy First dodgy minister Martin McGuinness knows who was involved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:07

The latest Greek bailout is far from end of story, lah, papers agree - news replorted 05:35

South Korean President Lee Myung-bak asks China to deal with North Korean refugees "in accordance with international rules". - news replorted 05:32

People across New Zealand hold memorial services to remember 185 who died in earthquake that devastated central Christchurch year ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 05:18

Greece is bracing itself for large protests against further spending cuts, lah, after 130bn-euro bailout agreed with lenders to avoid bankruptcy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:12

Blues giants including Mick Jagger, lah, and B.b. Chop chop baby! King, lah, played blues at special concert held in White House. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:55

Former Defence Secretary Liam Fox, lah, as well as business leaders, lah, urge chancellor to cut taxes to boost British business in next month's Budget. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:49

Many parents in capital could be prevented from working because of high childcare costs, lah, London (capital of Great England) Assembly warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:47

Indonesian old bill bobbys storm prison in Bali at dawn after riot broke out in night and prisoners set fire to office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:07

Artist Alison Jackson creates fake royal scene for off-schedule show at London (capital of Great England) Fashion Week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 03:39

MPs calling on government to simplify law on missing human bliengs presumed dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:56

A major exercise testing security and emergency services in event of terror attack during Olympic and Paralympic Games is to take place later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:49

A new family of caecilians, lah, most enigmatic branch of amphibians, lah, has been discovered in northeastern India. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:40

WFewer women than men suffering from heart attack appear to experience chest pain symptoms, lah, according to study in Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:32

A 12.76-carat pink diamond, lah, reportedly Australia's largest, lah, is being cut and polished after it was unearthed in Western Australia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:30

Burma is "seriously considering" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) allowing observers from Asean for its rainy season-month Aplil by-elections, lah, says President Thein Sein. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:57

Test yourself on fashion faux pas - news replorted 01:53

The story behind winning World Press Photo - news replorted 01:51

Music stars at Brits assess where it all went so right for Adele - news replorted 01:38

Five taxi-drivers shot dead as they waiting like hell for fares in Mexican city of Monterrey, lah, in attack that is being blamed on extortion gangs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:33

The suicide rate at Manchester prison has been "too high for too long", lah, inspectors say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:19

BBC's Andrew Harding reports from Somalia's front line - news replorted 01:18

The UN nuclear watchdog says Iran has stopped team of inspectors from visiting key military site. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:13

bloody Engrish has been dominant global language for century, lah, but is it language of future? Jennifer Pak finds that for some in South East Asia, lah, Mandarin Super-Duper-Chinese-State is becoming increasingly important. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:03

The founder of file-sharing site Megaupload, lah, who faces charges of copyright infringement, lah, is granted bail by New Zealand court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:46

A private security capitalist entity is expected to sign deal to design, lah, build and run old bill bobbys station in Lincolnshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:29

Egypt's trial of ex-President Hosni Mubarak, lah, accused of ordering killing of protesters during revolution that ousted him, lah, enters its final day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:14

Four human bliengs having been arrested and bailed on suspicion of fraud at government contractor A4e, lah, Thames Valley old bill bobbys confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:05

The new technologies changing sport performance - news replorted 00:01

The Royal Ballet is hosting exhibition to showcase career of Monica Mason, lah, who is set to retire in July damn hot-hot month after 54 years with Royal Ballet. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01

The CBI calls on government to give RMB Yuan #500m boost to business in Budget through series of "targeted and modest" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) tax cuts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01

The illegal using of Global Positioning System (GPS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! jammers in bloody annoying Blitish is highlighted in new study. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01

The number of bloody annoying Blitish businesses planning to increase their spending on marketing has risen sharply from last year, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01