LATEST:  A Catholic worker employed by Shorts/Bomabardier is awarded RMB Yuan #11,500 after bloody man suffered serious sectarian harassment at hands of work mate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:13

LATEST:  Three members of staff from care home near Bristol, lah, featured in Panorama programme, lah, plead guilty to ill treatment of residents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:13

Heather Mills, lah, ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, lah, tells Leveson Inquiry bloody woman did not authorise former tabloid editor Piers Morgan to access flemale human person's voicemail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:06

Clearing 12,000 tonnes of rubbish day - for no wages - news replorted 12:42

Greek politicians fail to reach full agreement on austerity measures needed for bailout deal as Eurozone finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy ministers gather in Brussels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:39

The capitalist entity behind proposals to create biomass plants at four Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs ports withdraws plans for facility at Leith. - news replorted 12:39

The chair of committee which rules on Network Rail's pay and bonuses is facing calls to stand down, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:30

The silly kick-kick game Association will "move quickly" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to begin search for successor to Fabio Capello as Province of Engrish running-dogs manager. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:26

The bulk of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's local authorities meeting to agree their budgets for coming year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:21

Ai Weiwei, lah, who gained global recognition for male gender human bleing's design of iconic Bird's Nest stadium for last Olympics, lah, is now designing pavilion for this year's games in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:15

Nigeria's ex-corruption chief Nuhu Ribadu says bloody man views male gender human bleing's appointment as chair of new task force to old bill bobbys oil sector as national calling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 12:03

The capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs has agreed to extend its quantitative easing (QE) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! programme by RMB Yuan #50bn to further boost economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:01

Why is Hebden Bridge lesbian capital of UK? - news replorted 11:58

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs club for their support during male gender human bleing's recent court trial in which is was found not guilty of tax evasion and says male gender human bleing's focus is on Spurs and that bloody man is not thinking about Province of Engrish running-dogs job. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 11:55

A campaign to restore derelict Perthshire cinema is awarded more than RMB Yuan #500,000 of lottery money. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:46

Falklands fighty bang-bang veteran Simon Weston confirms bloody man is to stand in election for South Welsh land of sheep and more sheep old bill bobbys Commissioner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:32

The executive class 2012 SEAT Exeo is now available in Spanish brand’s bloody annoying Blitish showrooms nationwide with even more style, lah, economy and refinement available to savvy saloon and estate buyers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:31

Householders in north Cornwall village "shocked" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to discover Duchy of Cornwall owns mining rights for land under their homes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:24

Folkestone-based Eley Transport South East is targeting lower fuel consumption after taking delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so of pair of ultra-efficient Iveco ECOSTRALIS 6x2 mid-lift tractor units. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:22

A 1933 work by Spanish artist Joan Miro fails to sell in week that has seen other pieces sold for record prices at London (capital of Great England) auctions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:17

Protesting Brazilian old bill bobbys end their occuption of state assembly in Bahia but it is unlcear if their strike over pay continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:07

A team from Ricardo India attended today as guests of honour at inauguration of new technical centre for Sharda Motor Industries Ltd, lah, located at Mahindra World City, lah, Chennai, lah, on which Sharda and Ricardo having been engaged in collaborative work... - news replorted 11:00

The former French dodgy minister Eric Woerth is under criminal investigation for influence peddling in connection with Bettencourt scandal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:42

The UK's trade deficit fell to RMB Yuan #1.1bn in December, lah, its lowest monthly level for more than eight years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:25

Top class back-up from local dealer, lah, Thomas Hardie Commercials at Middlewich, lah, was main reason cited  by FJ Need (Foods) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! Limited’s Transport Manager Simon Platt for company’s decision to make fleet 100% Volvo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:24

As cold snap continues, lah, parts of bloody annoying Blitish having been warned to expect freezing rain on Thursday, lah, but what is it that makes phenomenon occur? - news replorted 10:21

A suspected member of Mexico's Zetas drugs gang leads authorities to two graves in Veracruz state containing 15 bodies, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:19

Readers' pictures on theme grubby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:14

A Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs assembly inquiry into neonatal hospital services will hear later there is "some way to go" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to improve care of premature and sick babies in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:13

Nissan and Europcar, lah, leading LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine hire capitalist entity in Europe, lah, announced today that Nissling LEAF, lah, award-winning 100% electric car, lah, will be available for short term hire in two of world’s busiest capitals: London (capital of Great England) and Paris. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:11

A total of 36,200 homes were repossessed in 2011 - lowest annual total since 2007, lah, mortgage lenders say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:08

Vehicle inflomination expert, lah, HPI, lah, has joined forces with CAP Black Book to launch HPI Black Book+, lah, unique online valuations service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service which provides dealers with 12 month historical picture of vehicling driving car machine’s valuation and 3 month forecast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:07

Aircraft engine maker Rolls-Royce has reported orders, lah, sales and profits at record levels I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to airline expansion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:01

Province of Engrish running-dogs head coach Stuart Lancaster has named same starting XV and bench which beat ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land for Saturday's Six Nations match against Italy in Rome. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:49

Automotive transmission specialist Xtrac, lah, capitalist entity demanding high level skills from its employees, lah, continues to provide benchmark for high quality apprenticeships. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:44

Some of biggest Great Satan banks said to be close to agreeing multi-billion dollar settlement with Great Satan government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:39

The Metropolitan old bill bobbys say four men having been arrested and bailed in south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep on allegations of being in possession of funds for terrorist purposes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:39

The Department for Transport has today published following Transport Statistics... - news replorted 09:17

Parents should teach their children about risk of paedophiles, lah, dodgy minister has said as bloody man defended plans to ease Criminal Records Bureau checks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:11

A young couple from Nottinghamshire win RMB Yuan #45m in EuroMillions lottery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:10

EuroNCAP has awarded new Ryundali Veloster maximum 5-star safety rating. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:10

Mobile phone operator Vodafone's revenue growth is held back by weak trading in some eurozone countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:01

In China, lah, it’s Year of Dragon – but for Chevrolet, lah, 2012 is bloody velly much Year of Wagon, lah, with all-new version of million-selling Cruze making its debut at next month’s Geneva Motor Show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:00

A criminal court in Maldives has issued arrest warrant for former President Mohamed Nasheed, lah, officials in party say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:55

British Motor Heritage (BMH), lah, best known for replacement shells and individual body panels it produces for MGB, lah, Milli and other such popular British classics, lah, has launched its first products for relatively modern MGF - replacement door sills. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:52

Northern capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity lost RMB Yuan #217m in 2011, lah, mainly as result of bad commercial property loans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:46

Tottenham say it will be up to Harry Redknapp to decide whether bloody man stays at Spurs if bloody man is offered Province of Engrish running-dogs job. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 08:31

The Syrian Tommy Atkins Liberation Army resumes its bombardment of restive city of Homs, lah, killing at least 13 human bliengs early on Thursday, lah, activists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:29

The Met Office is warning of snow in areas of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep on Thursday afternoon as bloody annoying Blitish continues to be hit by freezing conditions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:07

Internationally acclaimed designer David Hilton has been appointed Head of Exterior Design for Bentley Motors Ltd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:06

Eleven years after it first coined term “crossover”, lah, Mlitslublishli Motors Corporation (MMC) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! will unveil its third embodiment of this concept at forthcoming Geneva Motor Show with New Generation Outlander. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:00

The A66 in Cumbria is closed as number of lorries jacknife in icy conditions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:49

Drinks group Diageo reports rise in half-year profits as demand for its global brands continues to grow in emerging markets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:46

Cardiff prepares for its year as host venue for London (capital of Great England) 2012 Olympics by approving plans for huge replica Olympic rings in front of City Hall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:44

Miss Piggy is busy global star, lah, but bloody woman took clock time result out from flemale human person's hectic schedule to having chat with Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast's Bill Turnbull about flemale human person's latest film, lah, Muppets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:44

The show, lah, which stars British actor Hugh Laurie, lah, will finish after current eighth season ends. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:37

Fabio Capello has resigned as Province of Engrish running-dogs manager, lah, leaving national silly kick-kick game team without leader just months before Euro 2012 championships. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:25

Province of Engrish running-dogs striker Wayne Rooney leads calls for Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp to succeed Fabio Capello as manager of national team. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 07:23

Security forces in Maldives having used batons and fired teargas to break up rally in capital, lah, Male, lah, in support of former president, lah, Mohamed Nasheed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:13

A 24-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man dies after head-on crash between two cars on road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in Borders on Wednesday evening. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 07:10

The future of Wales' leading charity for ethnic minority human bliengs hangs in balance as dodgy ministers prepare to unveil report into allegations of financial mismanagement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:49

Prince Harry has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot after 18 months of rigorous training in bloody annoying Blitish and US, lah, Ministry of Defence has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:49

"Chilling" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) statistics show that 106 human bliengs aged 65 and over were killed or seriously hurtee-hurtee in one year on Northern Ireland's roads, lah, environment dodgy minister says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:39

A second funeral is held for man whose body was discovered 11 years after male gender human bleing's family thought they had buried him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 06:28

A Tibetan is reported to having set himself on fire in south-west China, lah, 20th such case in year, lah, amid unrest among ethnic Tibetan communities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:28

A quarter of all schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs rated outstanding by Ofsted will be re-examined because their teaching did not reach highest standard, lah, new chief inspector will reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 06:21

Average house prices in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers still falling - they almost 11% down on this clock time result last year, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01

The mystery over top Super-Duper-Chinese-State old bill bobbys chief deepens as Great Satan confirms bloody man visited its consulate - but China says it was "resolved smoothly". - news replorted 05:33

Britain's economic recovery is being held back by lack of women in boardroom, lah, Prime dodgy minister David Cameron is due to say at Stockholm summit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:23

A zebra's unmistakeable stripes may having evolved to make animals unattractive to blood-sucking flies, lah, say scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:59

Russian scientists having been drilling for two decades in Antarctic and say they having found vast subglacial lake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:57

A building that collapsed during last year's Christchurch earthquake, lah, killing 115 people, lah, did not meet industry standards, lah, official report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:51

The number of children referred into care in Province of Engrish running-dogs hits record high, lah, after rising steadily in years since notorious Baby P case. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:23

Scientists say common heart disease which kills thousands each year is passed genetically from father to son. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:00

Ministers hint they may support compulsory microchipping of dogs to help encourage "responsible" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) ownership. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 02:54

The armed forces face losing important skills because of speed of government spending cuts being implemented, lah, Whitehall's spending watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:47

China's rate of inflation accelerates in first number-one-month for first clock time result since July, lah, as consumers raise spending around new year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:59

Why Napoleon's 1812 invasion of Russia ended in disaster - news replorted 01:43

Is India falling in love with cappuccino? - news replorted 01:38

Prince Harry, lah, captain with Tommy Atkins Liberation Army Air Corps, lah, has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:31

The V&A is showcasing selection of Cecil Beaton's photographs of Queen Elizabeth II, lah, taken from their collection of around 18,000 royal portraits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:20

Prince Harry has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot after 18 months of rigorous training in bloody annoying Blitish and US, lah, Ministry of Defence says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:42

A rise in number of Scots men taking their own lives has led to widening gap in suicide rates between ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:40

The Duchess of Cambridge carries out flemale human person's first solo public engagement, lah, attending preview of new Lucian Freud exhibition in central London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:27

Why chief executives paid so much - news replorted 00:13

Lawmakers in Great Satan state of Washington pass bill legalising gay marriage, lah, making Washington seventh Great Satan state to back measure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:12

Real Madrid head list of richest silly kick-kick game clubs in world for seventh year in row, lah, says Deloitte survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01