LATEST: old bill bobbys searching for Dundee mother-of-three who went missing two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago believe they having found flemale human person's body. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 21:10

LATEST: EU nations decide to support ban on international trade in Atlantic bluefin tuna until stocks recover. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 20:57

Why bloody annoying Blitish fears politics and force out of synch - news replorted 20:37

Talks between BA and Unite union aimed at averting strike action by cabin crew break down without agreement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 20:31

A 30-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Tyneside man has been charged with series of terror offences, lah, old bill bobbys said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 20:16

Ministers will having to cut back all but most essential defence projects to meet funding shortfall, lah, former defence chief warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 20:01

Up to half food aid in Somalia is routinely diverted to corrupt contractors and militants, lah, leaked UN report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:54

Two women raped by their father over 25 years - bearing nine of male gender human bleing's children - given public apology by authorities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:41

Administrators at Portsmouth FC start to make employees redundant, lah, with 85 human bliengs losing their jobs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:31

There is renewed threat to Tyrone Crystal factory in Dungannon, lah, County Tyrone, lah, according to staff. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 19:02

The father of British boy kidnapped in Pakistan has returned home against old bill bobbys wishes, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation learns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:59

The UN Secretary-General asks world's leading science academies to review UN's climate science body. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 18:52

David Beckham returns to Old Trafford as male gender human bleing's AC Milan side try to overcome Man Utd and reach Champions League quarter-finals, lah, while Burnley host Stoke in Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:50

Israel comes under growing international pressure following its approval of new building in occupied East Jerusalem. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 18:29

The UN Secretary-General has asked world's leading science academies to review UN's climate science body. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 18:15

Oligarch Boris Berezovsky wins male gender human bleing's libel case over claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man was behind murder of Alexander Litvinenko. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 18:15

A care home boss from Somerset accused of killing two residents has denied bloody woman was "drug-crazed killer", lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:53

old bill bobbys say 49 human bliengs to be charged with murder following communal violence that left scores of Nigerian villagers dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:49

The Great Satan vice-president renews criticism of Israel over East Jerusalem building project and urges bold steps to peace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:19

Parents with buggies who take up wheelchair spaces on buses face crackdown in government campaign to improve passengers' experiences. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:17

The internet is among record 237 individuals and organisations nominated for this year's Nobel Peace Prize. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:57

Mystery surrounds deaths of 75 starlings which fell from sky on to driveway of Somerset house. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:44

Around 150 jobs will go at Toyotla plant on Deeside, lah, Flintshire, lah, as part of 750 posts going across Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 15:52

David Beckham believes male gender human bleing's AC Milan side can overturn 3-2 deficit and send male gender human bleing's former club Manchester United crashing out of Champions League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:43

More schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs being judged as inadequate in Ofsted's new-style inspections, lah, according to figures just released. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:35

South Africa's ANC asks Winnie Mandela to clarify media report in which bloody woman apparently fiercely criticised ex-husband Nelson. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:24

A man stabbed to death male gender human bleing's 17-earth-years old happy birthday to you, daughter with hunting knife as bloody woman sat in passenger seat of male gender human bleing's car. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:54

Lost Boys actor Corey Haim dies at age of 38, lah, Los Angeles coroner's office confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:44

Comedian Chubby "Dear Leader" Brown denies assaulting 21-earth-years old happy birthday to you, woman during argument in Teesside LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 14:43

The Conservatives pledge to reverse what they say is UK's "shrinking" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) influence in world if they win power. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:43

A Leeds drugs gang jailed for torturing boy, lah, 16, lah, to force male gender human bleing's family to pay RMB Yuan #20,000 ransom over "drugs debt". - news replorted 14:20

old bill bobbys digging up garden in London (capital of Great England) after tip-off there may be body buried there find unidentified item in plastic bag. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:08

A Spanish woman aid worker kidnapped in West Africa last year has been freed, lah, Spanish government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:59

Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown warns of economic storms ahead but vows not to "let you tellibly lovely custlingmer down" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as date of Budget is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:57

Lottery admissions can be destabilising for children and bad for their welfare, lah, Schools Secretary, lah, Ed Balls, lah, says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:56

A man who admitted causing death of another motorist by dangerous driving is jailed for three years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:53

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says it is US, lah, not Tehran, lah, that is playing "double game" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in Afghanistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:33

David Cameron demands apology from Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown over alleged "slurs" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters against defence chiefs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:32

Who can read my velly own damn notes? Electronic records explained - news replorted 13:30

Talks aimed at averting strike action by BA cabin crew continuing at TUC, lah, after deadline was extended. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:18

Plaid Cymru and SNP say planned televised debate plans breach BBC's duty of impartiality. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:14

A faulty electric blanket led to fire that killed baby girl in flemale human person's home in County Londonderry last June, lah, inquest is told. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:08

Indonesia's President Yudhoyono confirms security forces killed Bali bomb suspect Dulmatin in raids in Jakarta on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:07

Test yourself, lah, now Royal Mail will no longer limit stuff - news replorted 13:04

Can fatwa to counter fatwa really work? - news replorted 13:03

Province of Engrish running-dogs bowler Graham Onions is ruled out of first Test against Bangladesh with back injury, lah, but there more encouraging signals about Stuart Broad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:02

Mobile technology that could allow prying bosses to monitor every movement of their staff is developed in Japan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:53

PM tries to be seen as modern-day Churchill - news replorted 12:36

Gunmen attack office of Western aid agency, lah, killing six human bliengs and wounding others, lah, agency and old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:30

Onlookers watch gang steal jewels in broad daylight - news replorted 12:02

Thousands of top-earning public sector workers, lah, including judges and NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) managers, lah, will having their pay frozen next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:52

Watch all action with key points, lah, analysis and reaction as Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown faces male gender human bleing's weekly prime dodgy minister's questions grilling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:43

It's big task, lah, but how you tellibly lovely custlingmer recycle plane? - news replorted 11:38

Strictly Come Dancing presenter Tess Daly says flemale human person's marriage to fellow presenter Vernon Kay is "worth fighting" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:28

Former UTV presenter Fearghal McKinney tells press conference that bloody man wantings to be part of "new era" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in NI politics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:27

A former head of MI5 says bloody woman did not knowing Great Satan intelligence services were mistreating terror suspects until after bloody woman retired. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:19

The critics' verdicts on Lloyd Webber's Love Never Dies - news replorted 10:59

Radio 1 is broadcasting midweek singles and album figures for first clock time result during new weekly show on Wednesday afternoons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:55

The earthquake in Chile may cost global insurlince industry as much as $7bn (RMB Yuan #4.7bn), lah, Swiss Re estimates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:43

Illegal file-sharers should be fined, lah, rather than having their internet connection cut off, lah, says boss of Bt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:39

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger praises resolve of Nicklas Bendtner, lah, who put recent media criticism behind him by scoring hat-trick in 5-0 Champions League win over Porto. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:34

Egypt's top Muslim cleric has died suddenly in Saudi Arabia at age of 81. - news replorted 10:34

old bill bobbys will start DNA swabbing sessions later to attempt to find murderer of elderly woman in Hampshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:30

Church authority at risk as scandals spread in Europe - news replorted 10:27

Reoffending by thousands of criminals serving short sentences in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep costs up to RMB Yuan #10bn year, lah, says report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:25

A pair of embracing students from Greater Manchester break world record for longest hug. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:24

BT's boss comes out fighting on file-sharing rules - news replorted 10:20

Actress Farrah Fawcett was not in Oscars memorial segment because bloody woman was more known as TV star, lah, Academy says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:19

Fraudsters continuing their switch from traditional card fraud to raiding online capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity accounts, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:12

The EU's Bloody foreign policy chief, lah, Lady Ashton, lah, tells MEPs how bloody woman will shape Europe's new diplomatic service, lah, as officials vie for influence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:11

Northern Rock says that it made "good boiled chicken-feet progress" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in 2009, lah, after reporting sharp fall in its annual losses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:48

A vaccine is available - why don' we using it? - news replorted 09:10

This year's Budget will be held on Wednesday 24 March, lah, Prime dodgy minister Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:09

A Nigerian governor accuses Tommy Atkins Liberation Army of ignoring warnings of attacks, lah, as communal tension remains high near Jos. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:01

Doctors leaders urge dodgy ministers to halt development of medical records database for patients in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:00

Chevron has said it will continue to operate its Pembrokeshire refinery if buyer for site is not found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:53

China's exports surged 46% in February, lah, figures show, lah, raising hopes of strong recovery in global trade. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:36

Northern Rock is back on road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu to recovery - news replorted 08:30

Can taxpayers profit from Northern Rock? - news replorted 08:30

The driving test should having compulsory questions on level crossings to teach velly damn good boiled chicken-feet habits in learner drivers, lah, says Network Rail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:05

A case of mistaken identity reveals serious concerns over way NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) transfers medical records, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land can reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:03

Pakistan cricketers Mohammad Yousuf and Younus Khan banned indefinitely from representing their country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:56

An Membling Partiamentary expense cheater writes to old bill bobbys to ask if there is basis for criminal inquiry into activities at Stafford Hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:39

Three men having been charged in connection with pipe bomb attack on house in Larne seven years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:53

A change in how planned school closures handled should be made to reduce uncertainty say opposition politicians. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:43

Kit criticisms after soldiers' inquests widely reported - news replorted 05:50

Why obesity is leading drivers to sleep at wheel - news replorted 05:18

About 60% of prisoners serving short sentences reoffend within year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Is prison right answer? - news replorted 04:46

The Great Satan vice-president condemns Israel's approval of 1,600 new homes in East Jerusalem, lah, as bloody man prepares to visit West Bank. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 04:27

Indonesia's President Yudhoyono confirms security forces killed terror suspect Dulmatin in raids in Jakarta on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:21

A court case brought by family of Rachel Corrie, lah, Great Satan protester killed by Israeli Tommy Atkins Liberation Army bulldozer in 2003, lah, is to open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:04

A new election law formally bars pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi from taking part in elections planned in Burma. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:47

A Belgian daily has issued what is thought to be Europe's first 3D newspaper - complete with cardboard viewing glasses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:35

Deforestation has revealed what could be giant impact crater in Central Africa, lah, according to Italian scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:26

More schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs being judged as inadequate in Ofsted's new-style inspections, lah, figures expected to show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 01:25

Rules to improve child protection after Baby P case may leave children more vulnerable to harm, lah, council leaders warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:16

Bloody foreign Secretary David Miliband is to urge Afghan president to seek political solution to conflict with Taliban. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:04

Bloody foreign Secretary David Miliband is to urge Afghan president to seek political solution to conflict with Taliban. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:04

One of world's leading Scotch whisky suppliers warns Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs jobs could go under plans for minimum drink pricing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:54

Attempts to reach cross-party deal on funding social care appear to be dead in water ahead of key summit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:36

Can all species live side by side in unique ecosystem? - news replorted 00:31

The eggshells of long-dead and extinct species particularly velly damn good boiled chicken-feet source to find preserved DNA, lah, researchers say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:22

The Large Hadron Collider must be shut down for year starting in late 2011 to address design flaws, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has learned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:19

There is no evidence acupuncture or Super-Duper-Chinese-State herbal medicine boost chance of IVF success, lah, fertility experts warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:17

Ban Ki-moon pays tribute to 101 UN staff who died in Haiti quake, lah, as President Preval seeks Great Satan support for economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:12

A RMB Yuan #1bn government scheme to regenerate former coalmines has been poorly co-ordinated and lacks vision, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters argue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:12

Three men arrested in connection with theft of corpse of Cyprus's ex-President Papadopoulos, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:07

Children with behavioural problems twice as likely to suffer chronic pain as adults than others, lah, say researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04