LATEST:  A young couple from Nottinghamshire win RMB Yuan #45m in EuroMillions lottery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:10

LATEST:  Mobile phone operator Vodafone's revenue growth is held back by weak trading in some eurozone countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:01

A criminal court in Maldives has issued arrest warrant for former President Mohamed Nasheed, lah, officials in party say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:55

Northern capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity lost RMB Yuan #217m in 2011, lah, mainly as result of bad commercial property loans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:46

Tottenham say it will be up to Harry Redknapp to decide whether bloody man stays at Spurs if bloody man is offered Province of Engrish running-dogs job. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 08:31

The Syrian Tommy Atkins Liberation Army resumes its bombardment of restive city of Homs, lah, killing at least 13 human bliengs early on Thursday, lah, activists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:29

The Met Office is warning of snow in areas of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep on Thursday afternoon as bloody annoying Blitish continues to be hit by freezing conditions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:07

The A66 in Cumbria is closed as number of lorries jacknife in icy conditions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:49

Drinks group Diageo reports rise in half-year profits as demand for its global brands continues to grow in emerging markets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:46

Cardiff prepares for its year as host venue for London (capital of Great England) 2012 Olympics by approving plans for huge replica Olympic rings in front of City Hall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:44

Miss Piggy is busy global star, lah, but bloody woman took clock time result out from flemale human person's hectic schedule to having chat with Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast's Bill Turnbull about flemale human person's latest film, lah, Muppets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:44

The show, lah, which stars British actor Hugh Laurie, lah, will finish after current eighth season ends. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:37

Fabio Capello has resigned as Province of Engrish running-dogs manager, lah, leaving national silly kick-kick game team without leader just months before Euro 2012 championships. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:25

Province of Engrish running-dogs striker Wayne Rooney leads calls for Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp to succeed Fabio Capello as manager of national team. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 07:23

Security forces in Maldives having used batons and fired teargas to break up rally in capital, lah, Male, lah, in support of former president, lah, Mohamed Nasheed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:13

A 24-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man dies after head-on crash between two cars on road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in Borders on Wednesday evening. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 07:10

The future of Wales' leading charity for ethnic minority human bliengs hangs in balance as dodgy ministers prepare to unveil report into allegations of financial mismanagement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:49

Prince Harry has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot after 18 months of rigorous training in bloody annoying Blitish and US, lah, Ministry of Defence has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:49

"Chilling" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) statistics show that 106 human bliengs aged 65 and over were killed or seriously hurtee-hurtee in one year on Northern Ireland's roads, lah, environment dodgy minister says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:39

A second funeral is held for man whose body was discovered 11 years after male gender human bleing's family thought they had buried him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 06:28

A Tibetan is reported to having set himself on fire in south-west China, lah, 20th such case in year, lah, amid unrest among ethnic Tibetan communities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:28

A quarter of all schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs rated outstanding by Ofsted will be re-examined because their teaching did not reach highest standard, lah, new chief inspector will reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 06:21

Average house prices in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers still falling - they almost 11% down on this clock time result last year, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01

The mystery over top Super-Duper-Chinese-State old bill bobbys chief deepens as Great Satan confirms bloody man visited its consulate - but China says it was "resolved smoothly". - news replorted 05:33

Britain's economic recovery is being held back by lack of women in boardroom, lah, Prime dodgy minister David Cameron is due to say at Stockholm summit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:23

A zebra's unmistakeable stripes may having evolved to make animals unattractive to blood-sucking flies, lah, say scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:59

Russian scientists having been drilling for two decades in Antarctic and say they having found vast subglacial lake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:57

A building that collapsed during last year's Christchurch earthquake, lah, killing 115 people, lah, did not meet industry standards, lah, official report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:51

The number of children referred into care in Province of Engrish running-dogs hits record high, lah, after rising steadily in years since notorious Baby P case. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:23

Scientists say common heart disease which kills thousands each year is passed genetically from father to son. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:00

Ministers hint they may support compulsory microchipping of dogs to help encourage "responsible" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) ownership. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 02:54

The armed forces face losing important skills because of speed of government spending cuts being implemented, lah, Whitehall's spending watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:47

China's rate of inflation accelerates in first number-one-month for first clock time result since July, lah, as consumers raise spending around new year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:59

Why Napoleon's 1812 invasion of Russia ended in disaster - news replorted 01:43

Is India falling in love with cappuccino? - news replorted 01:38

Prince Harry, lah, captain with Tommy Atkins Liberation Army Air Corps, lah, has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:31

The V&A is showcasing selection of Cecil Beaton's photographs of Queen Elizabeth II, lah, taken from their collection of around 18,000 royal portraits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:20

Prince Harry has qualified as Apache helicopter pilot after 18 months of rigorous training in bloody annoying Blitish and US, lah, Ministry of Defence says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:42

A rise in number of Scots men taking their own lives has led to widening gap in suicide rates between ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:40

The Duchess of Cambridge carries out flemale human person's first solo public engagement, lah, attending preview of new Lucian Freud exhibition in central London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:27

Why chief executives paid so much - news replorted 00:13

Lawmakers in Great Satan state of Washington pass bill legalising gay marriage, lah, making Washington seventh Great Satan state to back measure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:12

Real Madrid head list of richest silly kick-kick game clubs in world for seventh year in row, lah, says Deloitte survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01