LATEST: Andy Murray reaches Farmers Classic final in LA after coming through topsy-turvy semi-final against Feliciano Lopez in Los Angeles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:24

LATEST: Six civilians die after their minibus strikes roadside bomb in Afghanistan's southern province of Kandahar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:09

The row over Cameron's remarks on Pakistan goes on - news replorted 05:37

Fuel tanker drivers could take industrial action later this year over job and pay cuts, lah, union has warned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:18

A new global treaty banning cluster munitions enters into force, lah, hailed by campaigners as most important treaty in 10 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:26

Chelsea Clinton marries at lavish New York ceremony - news replorted 04:17

A lie-in at weekend does not counter ill-effects of lack of sleep during week, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:06

A scheme which allows parents to check if someone has history of child sex offences is to be extended to more old bill bobbys forces in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:05

One million human bliengs remain affected by monsoon flooding in north-west Pakistan, lah, as fears grow that flooding could spread south. - news replorted 03:58

A symphony featuring more than 200 amateur musicians and lyrics by 98-earth-years old happy birthday to you, great grandmother will air later to celebrate Yorkshire Day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:33

Pakistan's president is due in Europe later for trip that will take in UK, lah, amid tensions over David Cameron's written-down messages on dead tree about terrorism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 03:13

Babies born this weekend will be last in bloody annoying Blitish to receive full payment to Child Trust Funds, lah, as scheme's phasing out begins. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:01

The daughter of former Great Satan President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has married flemale human person's long-term boyfriend at lavish ceremony. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:00

An international treaty banning production and using of cluster bombs has come into force. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:57

The Netherlands is to end its military involvement in Afghanistan, lah, after four years in which its troops having won praise for their effectiveness. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:50

Sudan says UN peacekeepers in Darfur must inform government of all travel plans, lah, insisting they having failed to stop violence at refugee camps. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:30

The Liberal Democrats call on government to ensure more prisoners take up educational courses while behind bars. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:54

Accountants KPMG say politicians should give "detailed consideration" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to changing status of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Water. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 23:31

The academies schools pushed by Education Secretary Michael Gove bear more than passing resemblance to grant-maintained schools brought in under Margaret Thatcher, lah, writes Mike Baker. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 23:27

Twitter, lah, social networking site which allows users to say something in up to 140 characters, lah, sees its 20 billionth message sent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 23:03