LINGsCARS.com – Blog

I am Ling! Cheap new UK cars, life, noodles and fried rice… join in!

New BMW 1-Series, £219.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new BMW 1-Series deal to my website!
I added New BMW 1-Series 116i Sport Hatchback 5dr 1596cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £219.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make sure [...]

New BMW Z4 Roadster, £299.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new BMW Z4 Roadster deal to my website!
I added New BMW Z4 Roadster 2.0i SE Roadster Convertible 2dr 1995cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £299.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

New Mazda 6, £189.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda 6 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda 6 1.8 (120bhp) Sakata Hatchback 5dr 1798cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £189.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make [...]

New SAAB 9-3 Convertible, £349.00+VAT

I have just uploaded a new SAAB 9-3 Convertible deal to my website!
I added New SAAB 9-3 Convertible 2.0T (210bhp) Aero Convertible 2dr 1998cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £349.00+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

Finance Document Fees Are Theft

I sent this note to one of my suppliers this morning, when I noticed they imposed a £75 “document fee” on some deals…
“Please pass on my comment that I hate doc fees, that I think they are very dubious things and I would like to get rid of them. They are just profit [...]

New SAAB 9-3 Convertible, £329+VAT

I have just uploaded a new SAAB 9-3 Convertible deal to my website!
I added New SAAB 9-3 Convertible 1.8t (150bhp) Vector Convertible 2dr 1988cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £329+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

My Bus is On The Road – WAH!

At last!!!
My London bus is ready to go, all finished, painted, stickered, re-trimmed, DVD’d, taxed and decked out inside. It will feature 100 of my best deals for private customers. What do you think?
Jon (hubby) took these pictures at the same time as Mark Pinder, the Financial Times photographer was doing a photo shoot [...]

Happy Customer Writes 361st Letter

“I was converted to ‘Contract Hire’ many cars ago, but only found Ling two cars back. Ling is NUMBER ONE for deals and service – and is good fun to deal with. Other brokers I have dealt with always fell short at some point of the process, whereas Ling gets it right. Her dealers are [...]

New BMW X3, £299.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new BMW X3 deal to my website!
I added New BMW X3 2.0d SE Station Wagon 5dr 1995cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £299.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make [...]

New BMW 1-Series, £259.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new BMW 1-Series deal to my website!
I added New BMW 1-Series 118d 2.0TD Sport Hatchback 5dr 1995cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £259.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make [...]

New Peugeot 307 CC, £239.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Peugeot 307 CC deal to my website!
I added New Peugeot 307 CC 2.0 HDi (136bhp) Sport Coupe Cabriolet 2dr 1997cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+11 monthly profile. Only £239.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 11 payments on direct [...]

New Audi A3, £259.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Audi A3 deal to my website!
I added New Audi A3 1.9TDI Sport Sportback 5dr 1896cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £259.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make sure [...]

WoWee! 360th Customer Letter. And The Customer Is Quite Mad…

“I just ate the brown sweet. I am having trouble breathing now. If I am still alive we will be back for another repmobile shortly. Thanks for the keyring and the Ford Focus and for inspiring us to be madder. Car turned up. Right shape and on time.
PS. Do a deal with us on iPod [...]

New Jeep Grand Cherokee, £349.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Jeep Grand Cherokee deal to my website!
I added New Jeep Grand Cherokee 3.0 V6 (215bhp) CRD Limited Station Wagon 2987cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+11 monthly profile. Only £349.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 11 payments on direct [...]

…And Another. Letter Number 359

“Hi Ling,
Just to tell you we took delivery of the BMW 1-series on Friday. Everything is fine, the car is great. Many thanks for all your help, it all went smoothly and we hope to do business with you again.”
Joanne Hardy
The Birches
Lee Court
Whitley
Goole
DN14 0GX
Editor Note: Goole is not far from main BMW import centre at [...]

358th Customer Letter arrives

“It’s the first time we’ve ever leased and we were a bit scared at first.
Ling put us at ease from the start with her efficient and friendly manner. Because we were first timers, we had lots of what must have seemed like obvious or silly questions, but Ling’s patience with us didn’t falter.
She always replied [...]

New Citroen C4, £156.63+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Citroen C4 deal to my website!
I added New Citroen C4 1.4i 16v (90bhp) SX Hatchback 5dr 1360cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £156.63+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, [...]

New Citroen C4, £156.63+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Citroen C4 deal to my website!
I added New Citroen C4 1.4i 16v (90bhp) SX Hatchback 5dr 1360cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £156.63+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, [...]

New Peugeot 307 CC, £239.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Peugeot 307 CC deal to my website!
I added New Peugeot 307 CC 2.0 HDi (136bhp) S Coupe Cabriolet 2dr 1997cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+11 monthly profile. Only £239.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 11 payments on direct [...]

New Volkswagen Touareg, £366.83+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Volkswagen Touareg deal to my website!
I added New Volkswagen Touareg 2.5 TDI (174bhp) Station Wagon 5dr 2460cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £366.83+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, [...]

New Mercedes C-Class Saloon, £259.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes C-Class Saloon deal to my website!
I added New Mercedes C-Class Saloon 1.8 C180 Kompressor Avantgarde SE Saloon 4dr 1796cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £259.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct [...]

New Mercedes M-Class, £497.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes M-Class deal to my website!
I added New Mercedes M-Class 3.0 ML280 CDi (190bhp) Sport Station Wagon 5dr 2987cc Diesel, with Automatic gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £497.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. [...]

New Mercedes M-Class, £484.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mercedes M-Class deal to my website!
I added New Mercedes M-Class 3.0 ML280 CDi (190bhp) Sport Station Wagon 5dr 2987cc Diesel, with Auto gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £484.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. [...]

WAH! Car Updates Killing Me!

Have you seen how much typing I am doing???
I update all my deals. My fingers and my brain hurt.

New Mazda RX-8, £279.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda RX-8 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda RX-8 231bhp 1.3 Wankel Coupe 5dr inc Leather 1308cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £279.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

New Mazda RX-8, £269.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda RX-8 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda RX-8 231bhp 1.3 Wankel Coupe 5dr inc Leather 1308cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £269.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

New Mazda RX-8, £254.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda RX-8 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda RX-8 192bhp 1.3 Wankel Coupe 5dr inc Leather 1308cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £254.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

New Toyota Avensis Saloon, £209.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Toyota Avensis Saloon deal to my website!
I added New Toyota Avensis Saloon 2.2 D-4D (148bhp) T3-X Saloon 4dr 2231cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £209.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. [...]

New Nissan X-Trail, £239.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Nissan X-Trail deal to my website!
I added New Nissan X-Trail 2.2 dCi (136bhp) SE Station Wagon 5dr 2184cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £239.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

New Mazda 5, £220.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda 5 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda 5 1.8 (115bhp) TS2 MPV 7-seat 5dr 1798cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £220.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, [...]

New Mazda 5, £208.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda 5 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda 5 1.8 (115bhp) TS2 MPV 7-seat 5dr 1798cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £208.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private customers, [...]

New Nissan X-Trail, £219.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Nissan X-Trail deal to my website!
I added New Nissan X-Trail 2.2 dCi (note! 2WD) 136bhp SE Station Wagon 5dr 2184cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £219.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct [...]

New Nissan X-Trail, £199.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Nissan X-Trail deal to my website!
I added New Nissan X-Trail 2.0 SE (note! 2WD) Station Wagon 5dr 1998cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £199.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

New Mazda 6, £194.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda 6 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda 6 1.8 TS (120bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1798cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £194.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make [...]

New Mazda 3, £179.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda 3 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda 3 1.6 TS2 (105bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £179.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make [...]

New Mazda RX-8, £279.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mazda RX-8 deal to my website!
I added New Mazda RX-8 231bhp 1.3 Wankel Coupe 5dr 1308cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £279.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, make [...]

New Fiat Grande Punto, £119.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Fiat Grande Punto deal to my website!
I added New Fiat Grande Punto 1.2 (65bhp) Active Hatchback 3dr 1242cc Petrol, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+35 monthly profile. Only £119.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

Chinese Supermarket Buys Car From Me!! Letter No. 357

“Very efficient, quick response – and most of all Ling got me the cheapest deal for the car I wanted; a Toyota Corolla. That’s what I call customer service! Ling definitely met my expectations. The car is great, the dealer was good, but they should have put a full tank of petrol in.”
Peter Tsang
Wah [...]

New Renault Megane, £159+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Renault Megane deal to my website!
I added New Renault Megane 1.5 dCi 80bhp Dynamique Hatchback 5dr 1461cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £159+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, [...]

“SAFE SPEED” Given Opportunity To Rant! – I Hate This Rabble.

I just read the following news:
A MOTORING group today described new Government guidance on speed limits for local roads as “flawed and deadly”. Transport Minister Stephen Ladyman wants councils to review speed limits, with the possibility of some roads having lower limits.
But the Safe Speed road safety organisation said: “The new guidance is [...]

Customer Letter 356 Arrives, But Not 100% Happy!

“Good on you, Ling! I like your approach to doing business. You certainly stand out in the crowd.
Car order was a little slow and Ling gave me misleading excess mileage figures. However, delivery was bang on time and I got a full tank of diesel, excellent!”
Christopher Parle
156 Front Street
Sowerby
Thirsk
YO7 1JN
Editor Note: Christopher, hmmm. Well… trouble [...]

New Audi A6 Saloon, £279.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Audi A6 Saloon deal to my website!
I added New Audi A6 Saloon 2.0TDI SE Saloon 4dr 1968cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £279.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private customers, [...]

WoW! ANOTHER Customer Letter: No.355

“Dear Ling
Car ordered; BMW Z4, delivered early and all I did was email you once, fax you twice and sign a cheque and post it to you. And my car even arrives at the farm office allowing me to carry on working. Too easy. Let’s do the same again when I have sold the pickup [...]

Customer Letter 354

“Hi Ling,
Just to let you know car received today and all seems to be fine and in working order. Many thanks for your help through the process, which has not been too painful at all!”
Janet Adamson
Address Withheld
Warrington
WA5 ***
Editor Note: What a very nice car you have got, Jan! An Audi A4 Saloon 2.0t Fsi SE [...]

Mad Accountant Customer Sends Letter No. 353

“Hi Ling,
I have been meaning to contact you ever since driving up to Newcastle for my daughter’s graduation the other day. I was appalled to notice (but only just) that you have been forced to remove your mobile intercontinental ballistic rocket launcher to a position that only your devoted customers with eagle eyes could notice [...]

RAV-4 Alarm Clock Replacement! Letter 352…

“Just to let you know we took delivery of our car this morning at 07:00. What do you threaten these dealers with to make them deliver that early? All went smoothly and we are very pleased with the car. As I said before, with service like this you can look forward to a repeat customer [...]

351st Customer Letter!

“Very pleased with car and delivery. Nice smooth deal, all done and dusted in a few weeks. I will definitely deal with LINGsCARS.com again when the car lease is due for renewal. It was easy to contact Ling and nice to be able to speak to the business owner rather than be passed from pillar [...]

Webstats for July 2006: Over 50,000 Unique Visits!

WoW! I have been so busy all day adding the deals you can see below.
So busy, that I forgot to check my webstats for July. And what a surprise!!! 50,883 unique vistors to my website. Phew. No wonder I have been so busy. This year’s July sales were 167% of my 2005 July sales, guess [...]

New SAAB 9-3 Sportwagon, £269+VAT

I have just uploaded a new SAAB 9-3 Sportwagon deal to my website!
I added New SAAB 9-3 Sportwagon 1.9 TiD (150bhp) Vector Sport Sportwagon Estate 5dr 1910cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £269+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on [...]

New Mitsubishi Shogun Sport, £229.99+VAT

I have just uploaded a new Mitsubishi Shogun Sport deal to my website!
I added New Mitsubishi Shogun Sport 2.5TD Equippe Station Wagon 5dr 2477cc Diesel, with Manual gearbox and Metallic paint. It is on a 3+23 monthly profile. Only £229.99+VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Private [...]

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I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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MINI BLOG
 
NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015
Posted: 04/03/10
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NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015 Listening to the radio in our cars is something we all take for granted. Every car these days comes with a good quality radio, and... READ MORE
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I am GAY ICON! WoW!
Posted: 04/02/10
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I am GAY ICON! WoW! How amazing! I have my first Civil Partnership couple, both applying a car EACH! That was two weeks ago; the sensible one has alre... READ MORE
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Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 624022
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 

Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

LATEST: James Milner underlines male gender human bleing's potential as possible World Cup starter for Province of Engrish running-dogs with winner as Aston Villa reignite their top-four push at Wigan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 21:43



LATEST: Jose Mourinho makes winning return to Stamford Bridge as Inter Milan knock Chelsea out of Champions League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 21:37



A Conservative Membling Partiamentary expense cheater clashes with Commons Speaker John Bercow after being rebuked for "untoward" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) behaviour. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 20:58



US regulators send national broadband plan to Congress in bid to lead world in provision of super-fast internet. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 20:37



South African President Jacob Zuma is visiting Zimbabwe, lah, where bloody man will try to smooth out rifts in coalition government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 20:11



The mother of five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, British boy who was kidnapped while in Pakistan describes male gender human bleing's release as "amazing". - news replorted 19:45



Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez says bloody man once held secret talks with top leader of Colombian rebel group Farc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 19:32



Two men and boy arrested after deaths of two teenagers who thought to having taken legal drug mephedrone. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:15



Downing Street defends its refusal to share intelligence over 1998 Omagh bomb in which 29 human bliengs died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 19:08



US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton denies US-Israel relations in crisis amid row over Jerusalem settlements. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:02



Jose Mourinho marks male gender human bleing's return to Stamford Bridge with win as Inter Milan beat Chelsea to reach Champions League quarter-finals, lah, while Aston Villa beat Wigan in Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:01



Concern about child protection service, lah, including claim (always claiming, huh?) referrals were "binned", lah, leads to calls for inquiry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 18:30



The government rules out forcing all dog owners to insure against their pet attacking human bliengs - week after suggesting idea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 18:26



The Housing Executive calls in old bill bobbys to investigate its role in controversial development site in north Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:25



Five MPs, lah, including Liam Fox and Shahid Malik, lah, having appeals against expenses repayment demands dismissed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:57



The shrinking gap between Tory and Labour deficit plans - news replorted 17:48



Oprah Winfrey must defend case filed against flemale human person's by former headmistress of flemale human person's girls' school in South Africa, lah, judge rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:28



Japanese LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturer Rondla has announced it is recalling 410,000 cars in Great Satan because of complaints about their brakes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:21



A trainee doctor faces General Medical Council panel following deaths of patients in flemale human person's care in south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep hospitals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:20



Tiger Woods reveals bloody man will make male gender human bleing's return to competitive golf at Masters in Augusta starting on 8 April. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 17:08



US regulators having unveiled nation's first plan to give every American super-fast broadband by 2020. - news replorted 17:08



The "preposterous" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) limit on tuition fees should be scrapped, lah, says Oxford University chancellor Lord Patten. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:05



Pope Benedict will visit ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land in September as part of bloody annoying Blitish tour at invitation of Queen, lah, Buckingham Palace confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:02



The Conservatives step up attacks on Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown over male gender human bleing's links with political director of union behind BA strike. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:57



Turkish Prime dodgy minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation bloody man believes Iran has no intention of developing nuclear weapons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:51



A stalker who carried out "frenzied" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) attack on male gender human bleing's ex-girlfriend outside restaurant is jailed for at least 20 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:28



Harry Hill, lah, Ant and Dec and Michael McIntyre will battle it out for top prize at Royal Television Society Awards later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:27



The poet laureate Carol Ann Duffy explains why bloody woman has penned poem about David Beckham's Achilles injury - news replorted 16:23



Cardinal Sean Brady must examine male gender human bleing's conscience over male gender human bleing's dealings with paedophile priest, lah, Irish cabinet dodgy minister says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:22



A charity condemns parents of four-earth-years old happy birthday to you, sex abuse victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) who accepted money from male gender human bleing's attacker. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 15:57



US envoy George Mitchell puts off visit to Israel amid row over settlements, lah, as clashes erupt in Jerusalem. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 15:27



Binocular, lah, ridden by Tony McCoy, lah, wins Champion Hurdle on opening day of Cheltenham Festival. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:27



old bill bobbys say Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Ashok Kumar, lah, who was found dead at male gender human bleing's home on Monday, lah, died from natural causes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:15



Engineers designing world's fastest LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine believe they now having solution to stop it flying off ground. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:07



Why hair tongs and garlic bread sum up modern Britain - news replorted 15:07



Liverpool's Steven Gerrard escapes disciplinary action by silly kick-kick game Association despite appearing to hit Portsmouth's Michael "Dear Leader" Brown in 4-1 win over south-coast side. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:59



Eight human bliengs having been killed and 11 hurtee-hurtee by two bombs in central Iraqi town of Musayyab, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:57



Pope Benedict XVI will visit bloody annoying Blitish in September, lah, in first papal visit to country since that of John Paul II in 1982. - news replorted 14:43



Fantasy film Alice In Wonderland remains top of bloody annoying Blitish and autonomous province of Guinness drinkers box office for second week in row. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 14:34



Unseen letters by JD Salinger go on show in New York - news replorted 14:13



The UK's ambassador to Georgia complains about footage of him used in TV hoax about Russian invasion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:03



A violent schizophrenic man who killed father in north London (capital of Great England) months after being fined for another attack is jailed for life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:56



The vice-president of Kraft Foods says bloody man is "terribly sorry" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for firm's pledge to keep open Cadbury's Keynsham plant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:34



MPs scared of public; public scared of reality - news replorted 13:14



HM Revenue and Customs drops its legal challenge over validity of Portsmouth silly kick-kick game club's move into administration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:13



The family of five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, British boy who was kidnapped while in Pakistan say they "ecstatic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after bloody man is found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:08



Thailand's red-shirts splash blood under gates of Government House in third day of protests to oust government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:55



Sri Lanka's ex-army chief Sarath Fonseka appears before military court charged with participating in politics while in uniform. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 12:45



Russia has failed to consider environmental impact of construction for 2014 Winter Olympics, lah, UN says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:37



Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) announces its @anywhere technology that will allow websites to embed its services into their web pages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:30



Binocular is 9-1 winner of Champion Hurdle as first four favourites of Festival all beaten. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:25



Petrol prices in bloody annoying Blitish could hit record average high of RMB Yuan #1.20 litre in next few weeks, lah, according to Aa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:21



Would you tellibly lovely custlingmer rather fly under red, lah, white and blue? - news replorted 12:19



Men who start going bald at young age up to 45% less likely to getting prostate cancer in later life, lah, study has found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:12



Seven companies to push forward plans to generate 1.2 gigawatts of electricity from wave and tidal power. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:00



Government plans to cut UK's budget deficit not ambitious enough, lah, European Commission report will warn this week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:59



The bacteria on our hands could be used in forensic identification, lah, in same way as fingerprints and DNA, lah, say scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:59



'Sterile'? 'Evil'? How dangerous is 'closed' iPhone? - news replorted 11:56



Developers set new deadline of June-mber month 2012 for firm building Edinburgh's tram line before penalties imposed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:53



Hospitals, lah, councils and old bill bobbys warned to make changes as public services face cuts that will mean "considerable pain". - news replorted 11:52



The Catholic Church in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers releases more details about why Cardinal Brady asked abuse victims to sign secrecy agreements. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:33



Too many bloody Engrish councils agreeing large payoffs to getting rid of their chief executives, lah, spending watchdog says - news replorted 11:28



Ten old bill bobbys officers under investigation over mother and daughter found dead in burned out LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine after years of abuse. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:25



The price of petrol could hit record high of RMB Yuan #1.20 litre in next few weeks. Eating rice!! fuel prices too high? - news replorted 11:10



A British soldier has died from wounds received last month in explosion in southern Afghanistan, lah, MoD says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:09



The bloody annoying Blitish Bloody foreign secretary says Britain and China having "a shared goal" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in solving issue of Iran's nuclear programme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:42



Actor Charlie Sheen pleads not guilty to domestic violence charges and is ordered to stand trial on 21 July. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:32



'I had dog but dad hit it': Inside children's bedrooms - news replorted 10:21



The Digital Economy Bill, lah, which includes measures to ban persistent illegal file-sharers, lah, has been passed by peers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:16



Comments by China's Bloody foreign dodgy minister shed no light on location of missing human rights lawyer Gao Xhisheng. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:11



Royal Dutch Shell says it will shed further 1,000 jobs by end of next year as part of its cost cutting programme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:57



Government plans to reduce budget deficit not ambitious enough, lah, report will warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! your as really velly special customer's views? - news replorted 09:46



The bloody annoying Blitish is still world's largest export market for Champagne despite fall in sales, lah, industry figures say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:39



Missiles fired by suspected Great Satan drone having killed at least three human bliengs in north-western Pakistan, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:36



Net classes giving human bliengs first taste of online life - news replorted 09:22



Don't give up, lah, says Environment Agency head - news replorted 09:08



Nine homes in County Antrim evacuated as 50 firefighters tackle huge gorse fire which is still blazing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:31



A state of emergency is declared in parts of Fiji, lah, as Cyclone Tomas batters north and east of country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:15



The FBI says it is sending agents to Mexico's border city of Ciudad Juarez after three human bliengs linked to Great Satan consulate were killed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:00



Province of Engrish running-dogs win first Test against Bangladesh by 181 runs in Chittagong after spirited display by hosts on tense final day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:00



Focus returns to economy amid deficit warnings - news replorted 07:38



There has been exchange of gunfire between security forces and two human bliengs near Indian space agency in Bangalore. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:37



Doctors and health campaigners say too many human bliengs going to see their GP with minor problems such as coughs and colds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:13



old bill bobbys in India say they having recovered huge amount of explosives which was being "used by Maoist rebels". - news replorted 04:37



The estate of Michael Jackson agrees deal worth $200m (RMB Yuan #160m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! with record label Sony, lah, Great Satan reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:16



Spreading iron in oceans as climate "fix" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) could poison marine mammals and birds, lah, scientists show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 03:04



Graeme Swann makes crucial double breakthrough for Province of Engrish running-dogs as they close on victory in first Test against Bangladesh. - news replorted 02:58



Toyota casts doubt on claim (always claiming, huh?) one of its cars failed to stop, lah, after widely-publicised account of "runaway" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Prius in California. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:58



A survey of swifts suggests species is at risk from improvement work being undertaken on old houses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:53



Chronic failings within Crown Prosecution service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service (CPS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in London (capital of Great England) exposed in damning report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:52



Sports players and fans in Manchester targeted in campaign to boost number of sperm donors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:37



Proposed Indian nuclear plant angers farmers - news replorted 00:37



Nursery food is poor and could be subjected to new nutritional guidelines, lah, government-commissioned report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:25



More than half million bloody annoying Blitish pensioners living overseas will find if they having won appeal against freezing of their pensions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:15



Are bloody annoying Blitish workers being forced to work part-time? - news replorted 00:14



The number of dodgy ministers should be cut by up to third to reduce costs and make Parliament more independent, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:08



Savers in Equitable Life insurlince capitalist entity denounce limited compensation process set up by government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:02



European finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy ministers say they having agreed how they would help Greece in its financial crisis, lah, but reavealingly showing Great Satan few details. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



European finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy ministers say they having agreed how they would help Greece in its financial crisis, lah, but reavealingly showing Great Satan few details. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



Impotence is strong predictor of heart attack and death among high risk patients, lah, say German researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



The number of human bliengs excluded from social care in Province of Engrish running-dogs will continue rising if system is not revamped, lah, experts warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:00




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