LATEST:  A teenage boy dies after getting into difficulty in River Thames at Oxford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:17

LATEST:  Finnish old bill bobbys hunting suspected gunmen who killed one person and hurtee-hurtee several others in apparently random shooting in town of Hyvinkaa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:15

Britain's Engelbert Humperdinck will open proceedings as 26 countries compete in final of this year's Eurovision Song Contest in Azerbaijan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:07

A man is shot dead and three other human bliengs hurtee-hurtee in shooting in pub in Droylsden, lah, Greater Manchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:50

Eurozone and Eurovision grab papers' attention - news replorted 06:26

Twelve bloody Engrish High Streets - from Cornwall to Northumberland - will share RMB Yuan #1.2m pot of government cash to rejuvenate shopping areas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:00

Six Colombian soldiers jailed for killing man and passing him off as guerrilla killed in combat, lah, in order (piece of paper signee upee) to gain extra holiday and promotion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:38

Spain's fourth-largest bank, lah, Bankia, lah, is expected to explain why it needs 19bn euros-worth ($24bn; RMB Yuan #15bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of loans from government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:20

Veteran crooner Engelbert Humperdinck will take to stage for Britain at Eurovision song contest in Baku, lah, Azerbaijan, lah, later on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:11

Singapore holds keenly-watched by-election to fill parliamentary seat vacated after opposition Membling Partiamentary expense cheater was expelled by male gender human bleing's party in February. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:07

London's skyline would look bloody velly different today if some of plans for towers and skyscrapers that having been proposed in past had been built. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:47

Two local newspapers end daily publishing to move over to once-a-week edition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:30

What happens to gardens when show's over? - news replorted 02:03

Russia's ruling party is expected to elect Prime dodgy minister Dmitry Medvedev as its new leader at congress to be held in Moscow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 01:47

Cricketer Graeme Swann on pressure... and male gender human bleing's singing skills - news replorted 01:46

Thousands of bloody annoying Blitish websites expected to be in breach of law that dictates what they can log about visitors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:22

Are there too many human bliengs trying to scale Everest - news replorted 01:11

The Home Office draws up contingency plans to cope with possible large increase in immigration from Greece if euro collapses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04

Eurovision turns spotlight on Azerbaijan - news replorted 00:30

The ten most popular areas for young Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs professionals to buy property all in major cities, lah, according to capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:23

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land publishes further evidence about suspected conflict of interest concerning administrators of Rangers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:21

Latest figures reavealingly showing Great Satan that councils in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep having received almost 9,500 road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu closure applications for Diamond Jubilee street parties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:13

How does A-level student go off rails? - news replorted 00:09