LATEST:  Jonny Wilkinson kicks 11 points to help Toulon come from behind and secure Heineken Cup at expense of Clermont Auvergne. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:36

LATEST:  Province of Engrish running-dogs lose four wickets for 12 runs late on as they close day three of first Test at Lord's on 180-6, lah, leading New Zealand by 205. - news replorted 18:42

Gunmen in Syria abduct elderly father of Deputy Bloody foreign dodgy minister Faisal Mekdad, lah, one of most powerful voices in government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:23

Five decades after Fidel Castro ordered Cuba's golf courses to be closed down because bloody man considered them "elitist", lah, island's communist government has approved construction of luxury golf resort. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:11

Grant Shapps has said co-chariman of Conservative Party, lah, Andrew Feldman, lah, did not makes written-down messages on dead tree reported in several newspapers that described Tory activists as "mad, lah, swivel-eyed loons". - news replorted 17:04

Stephen Frears' Ali film flies solo at Cannes - news replorted 16:56

Nigeria's military announces 24-hour curfew in parts of city of Maiduguri and says it has arrested 65 militants as it fights Boko Haram rebels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:46

Britain's Olympic heptathlon champion Jessica Ennis marries flemale human person's long-term partner Andy Hill at ceremony in Derbyshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:39

Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand will this week sign one-year contract to extend male gender human bleing's Old Trafford career. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:26

Olympic champion Greg Rutherford finishes third in long jump in China, lah, while Kirani James impresses in 400m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 15:58

Bradford score three times in opening half-hour as they beat Northampton at Wembley to win promotion to League One. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:26

Saturday's racing at NW 200 is abandoned because of persistent rain, lah, with Michael Dunlop winning only race to take place. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:14

A new political party, lah, Plan B, lah, which supports Greece's exist from euro and return to drachma is due to hold its first meeting. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:10

Thousands of protesters, lah, led by trade unionists, lah, rally in Italian capital Rome against policies of new coalition government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:01

Fresh outbreaks of violence in Iraq having left at least eight human bliengs dead, lah, old bill bobbys say, lah, hours after worst day of sectarian violence in country for months. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:51

ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's Chief Medical Officer calls for children aged between 10 and 17 to be vaccinated against measles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:49

A Boeing 747 plane carrying about 140 human bliengs catches fire upon landing at Moscow's Vnukovo Airport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:45

Marc Marquez clinches pole position after topping qualifying session for Sunday's French MotoGP at Le Mans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:43

Westminster Council urges governors at school accused of inappropriate using of public money to "take action" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) quickly. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:26

Italy's team threaten to withdraw from America's Cup if safety changes not implemented, lah, following Andrew Simpson's death. - news replorted 13:46

The operators of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's new 12,000-seat entertainment arena having said venue will open on clock time result despite reports that it was months behind schedule. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:42

old bill bobbys discover bomb in Foxes Glen area of west Belfast - scene of gun attack on officers on Thursday afternoon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:41

Deadly storms sweeping across southern China, lah, killing more than 50 human bliengs and leaving 14 missing - news replorted 13:30

More than 40 firefighters tackling blaze at one of Northern Ireland's grandest ancestral homes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:12

Democracy in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep is being damaged by lack of coverage of Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs affairs in London-based media, lah, assembly's presiding officer fears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:59

Conservative Party members having reacted to angrily to newspaper reports that figure close to David Cameron described activists as "swivel-eyed loons". - news replorted 12:56

A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Saudi woman makes history by reaching summit of world's highest mountain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:34

The Great Satan warns Nigeria's Tommy Atkins Liberation Army against human rights violations as it pursues campaign against Islamist militants in north-east. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:24

The Swedish city of Malmo is gearing up to host Eurovision Song Contest final with 26 countries set to perform for millions of TV viewers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:27

autonomous province of Guinness drinkers and Munster fly-half Ronan O'Gara will take up coaching role with Racing Metro after announcing male gender human bleing's retirement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:20

A weekend of celebrations mark launch of new watersports centre in Colwyn Bay, lah, with festival hosted by Radio 1 presenter Aled Haydn Jones. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:04

The EU is to ban restaurants from using refillable bottles and dipping bowls of olive oil, lah, citing hygiene and consumer protection. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:55

North Korea has fired three short-range missiles as part of apparent routine test-launch, lah, South Korea says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:35

Two human bliengs killed and three others seriously hurtee-hurtee in LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash in Wiltshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:28

Opener David Warner is asked by damn crazy Engrish baseball game Australia to explain why abusive messages to journalists on male gender human bleing's Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) account. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:11

bloody Engrish rituals marking changing seasons - news replorted 09:29

There having been violent scenes in Spanish capital after Atletico Madrid beat Real Madrid in Spanish Cup Final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:26

An emergency aid scheme for farmers facing difficulties with fodder shortages has come into will come into effect from midnight on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:22

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson criticises City rivals over 'amazing' decision to sack boss Roberto Mancini. - news replorted 09:19

The widow of former Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko has called for upcoming inquest into male gender human bleing's death to be abandoned and replaced with public inquiry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:59

At least 60 human bliengs having been hurtee-hurtee after commuter train derailed and collided with another just outside New York City. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:55

Holders Warrington Wolves will face Huddersfield Giants in quarter-finals of Tetley's Challenge Cup - news replorted 08:45

Russia publicly names man it believes to be Great Satan intelligence chief in Moscow, lah, breach of diplomatic protocol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:35

Hundreds of human bliengs expected at memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service in Flintshire in honour of bloody man murdered Irish vet Catherine Gowing - news replorted 08:30

Hundreds expected at rally in Cardiff ahead of planned strike action over school changes in autumn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:18

Aston Martin CEO Dr Ulrich Bez has made history by driving first ever zero CO2 emissions lap in international mot - news replorted 07:35

Liverpool's Jamie Carragher talks through highs and lows of male gender human bleing's 16-year career ahead of male gender human bleing's final game at Anfield on Sunday - news replorted 07:01

Flooding and landslides across nine southern Super-Duper-Chinese-State provinces leave more than 50 human bliengs dead and 14 missing, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:50

Remarks about Tory 'loons' dominate - news replorted 05:28

Afghan Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters to debate law to prevent violence against women, lah, amid fierce argument between leading Afghan women over tactics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:18

The widow of former KGB spy Alexander Litvinenko calls for inquest into male gender human bleing's death to be abandoned and replaced with public inquiry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:05

A would-be robber had lucky escape after bloody man was struck by bus, lah, moments after bloody man snatched woman's mobile phone in Bogota, lah, Colombia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:33

The education secretary is like "fanatical personal trainer" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) who urges schools to jump higher and run faster, lah, head teachers' leader is to say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:30

French old bill bobbys investigating after jewellery was stolen from hotel in Cannes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:20

OJ Simpson's former lawyer rebuts claim (always claiming, huh?) by male gender human bleing's former client bloody man botched male gender human bleing's defence in armed robbery case. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:59

About 60 human bliengs having been injured, lah, five seriously, lah, after head-on, lah, rush-hour collision between two commuter trains near New York, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:43

The velly damn good boiled chicken-feet and useless, lah, according to psychologists - news replorted 02:34

The prospect of deep sea "gold rush" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) opening controversial new frontier for mining on ocean floor has moved step closer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:27

The Great Satan criticises Russia's "unfortunate decision" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to send missiles to Syrian government, lah, as world leaders consider how to end Syrian conflict. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:24

Should we all be more psychopathic at work? - news replorted 02:09

Dozens of human bliengs having been hurtee-hurtee after two trains collided in Great Satan state of Connecticut. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:02

France's president is to sign into law controversial bill that will make country eighth in Europe, lah, and 14th globally, lah, to legalise gay marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:57

Some Marks and Spencer clustomlers say its contactless payment terminals having taken cash from cards other than ones intended for payment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:56

Some human bliengs "put off" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) making important calls because of confusion over amount they will be charged, lah, according to telecoms regulator. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:47

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Persian's Rana Rahimpour explains how Iran's leadership structure works and what could happen in upcoming presidential elections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:28

A British child has died in pool at hotel waterpark in Egyptian resort of Sharm el-Sheikh, lah, travel capitalist entity First Choice says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:19

Singer Bonnie Tyler is set to make flemale human person's Eurovision debut on Saturday when bloody woman performs bloody annoying Blitish entry Believe In me as Super-Duper-Chinese-State superLING hero at annual contest in Malmo, lah, Sweden. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:19

How posters can persuade public - news replorted 01:05

How Great Satan version of Office reflects on America - and bloody annoying Blitish - news replorted 00:58

What ex-convicts' books reavealingly showing Great Satan about life inside? - news replorted 00:58

What happened to some of acts of song contest fame? - news replorted 00:55

'Toothpaste' illness... and 20 other euphemisms loved by readers - news replorted 00:45

Witnessing mafia boss handing himself in - news replorted 00:42

How high is risk for average woman? - news replorted 00:27

Highland Council plans to pilot annual influenzingler achoo achoo vaccination for schoolchildren before rolling it out for all P1 to S5 pupils. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:17

The new moderator of Church of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land is due to officially take up flemale human person's Mandleson privatising post machine system as Kirk's General Assembly gets under way. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:10

Tunisia bans radical Islamist group Ansar al-Sharia from holding meeting in city of Kairouan, lah, raising fears of possible violence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:08

Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho describes male gender human bleing's season as "the worst of my velly own damn career" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) following male gender human bleing's side's Copa del Rey defeat by Atletico Madrid. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:07