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LATEST: Carina Trimingham, lah, partner of former cabinet dodgy minister Chris Huhne, lah, has lost flemale human person's breach of privacy and harassment case against Daily Mail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:07
LATEST: A judge says bloody man would support review of sentencing guidelines after criticism of sentence given to one of Constable Stephen Carroll's killers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:59
Latest figures show increase in number of young human bliengs not in work, lah, education or training. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:57
Chairman Clarke Carlisle says Professional Footballers' Association is willing to offer support for QPR's Joey Barton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:57
A scarecrow with policeman's jacket and Jeremy Clarkson's face is being used to slow down drivers in Northumberland village. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:56
Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt's former special adviser Adam Smith is due to give evidence to Leveson Inquiry into media standards later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:55
Net migration to bloody annoying Blitish remains more than double government's target figure, lah, according to new statistics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:49
Designs for RMB Yuan #237m redevelopment of children's hospital in Merseyside will be unveiled later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:44
Ferrari's Fernando Alonso is fastest in first practice for Monaco GP, lah, with Lewis Hamilton fourth and Jenson Button eighth. - news replorted 10:40
Comedian Eddie Izzard calls halt to male gender human bleing's attempt to run 27 marathons in 27 days, lah, blaming "unforeseen medical complications". - news replorted 10:39
The older brother of blind activist Chen Guangcheng flees male gender human bleing's closely-guarded village to seek legal help for male gender human bleing's son in Beijing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:34
Lincoln's Casey Stoney is picked as new Province of Engrish running-dogs women's captain after Faye White's retirement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:33
30 carbon cutting, lah, growth boosting local transport schemes were given green light today by Transport dodgy minister Norman Baker. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:21
An RSPCA inspector says case of dog which had elastic hair band around its neck shocked vets who treated animal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:13
The bloody annoying Blitish economy shrank by 0.3% in first three months of year, lah, more than previously estimated, lah, revised figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 10:04
A record number of offenders sentenced for serious crimes had committed previous offences, lah, according to figures for 2011. - news replorted 10:02
German business confidence fell more steeply than expected in May, lah, according to closely-watched Ifo report - news replorted 10:00
Argentina identifies remains of body that washed ashore in Uruguay in 1976 as "disappeared" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) of that era. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:56
Stars from world of art and entertainment join Queen - news replorted 09:53
Jonathan Ive says bloody man is "fortunate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to be Apple's chief designer - news replorted 09:52
The Syrian Tommy Atkins Liberation Army and security forces responsible for majority of serious rights abuses committed since March, lah, say UN investigators. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:42
A private funeral for I Feel Love singer Donna Summer takes place in Nashville, lah, Tennessee, lah, following flemale human person's death from cancer last week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:36
Do style trends ever follow Queen? - news replorted 09:32
European project faces days of uncertainty, lah, says Gavin Hewitt - news replorted 09:27
A leading pathologist tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation old bill bobbys should reconsider possibility that intelligence officer Gareth Williams died alone following emergence of new evidence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:17
SsangYong is to continue its tempting clustomler offers across range of Korando SUV, lah, Rexton 4x4 and Rodius MPV. And with prices starting from just RMB Yuan #16,995 for Korando S, lah, there’s certain to be model and deal to suit almost everyone. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:15
There is definitely no environment too tough for latest L200 special edition model, lah, Barbarian Black, lah, with its striking new moody image. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:00
SABMiller reports annual pre-tax profits of $5.6bn boosted by sale of units in Russian and Ukraine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:52
Readers' recollections of 1960s haircuts - news replorted 08:21
Highways Patrol officer Steve Price on how Spaghetti Junction is managed and why it holds special place in hearts of many Midlands residents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18
A old bill bobbys photographer is being cross-examined on third day of trial of two men accused of murdering Michaela McAreavey in Mauritius. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:07
Babywear retailer Mothercare reports hefty annual loss as it seeks to tackle poor performance of its bloody annoying Blitish business. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:06
Infiniti, lah, luxury performance automotive brand from Japan has announced that Terry Steeden has been appointed as Communications Manager for Infiniti in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:00
A council withdraws application to replace governing body of school where it said standards were unacceptably low. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 07:50
Free banking is "dangerous myth", lah, according to Andrew Bailey, lah, who is due to become chief regulator of financial services industry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:44
A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man arrested in Italy is charged with murdering crane driver found in burning LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine near Southampton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:44
Archaeologists to exhume and analyse human bones found under prehistoric monument in Pembrokeshire recently identified as cap on burial site. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:22
Schools to receive share of RMB Yuan #32.4m in funding to help least well-off pupils, lah, based on number eligible for free meals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:12
Maria Sharapova and Serena Williams back in form for French Open, lah, say coach Nick Bollettieri and ex-British number one Annabel Croft - news replorted 07:06
More than one in 10 of all adder bites on mainland Britain in recent years were in Wales, lah, with south west particular hotspot, lah, figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 06:49
The second Great Satan drone strike in 24 hours kills eight human bliengs in volatile tribal area of north-west Pakistan, lah, security officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:46
Chelsea set to release both Salomon Kalou and Jose Bosingwa when their contracts expire this summer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:20
A three-earth-years old happy birthday to you, is captured on CCTV driving male gender human bleing's toy scooter though busy intersection in China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:18
Two prescription gluten-free pizza bases can cost NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) as much as RMB Yuan #35, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Newsnight has learned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:03
Papers consumed by euro analysis - news replorted 05:47
Phillip Phillips, lah, 21-earth-years old happy birthday to you, singer and guitarist from Georgia, lah, wins American Idol talent show, lah, with viewers casting record number of votes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:40
Burma's opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi is to attend World Economic Forum in Bangkok next week, lah, leaving Burma for first clock time result in 24 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:38
Several governments in Asia-Pacific region responded to Arab Spring protests with clampdown on dissent, lah, Amnesty International says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:25
Incoming chief prosecutor of International Criminal Court Fatou Bensouda says world must stop being "blackmailed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by alleged fighty bang-bang criminals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:08
Nick Clegg is to warn of dangers of Greek exit from euro and describe response to crisis as "woefully fragmented". - news replorted 03:48
Lawyers for three men accused of plotting 9/11 attacks seek testimony from Great Satan President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama and male gender human bleing's predecessor George W Bush. - news replorted 03:43
Egyptians due to vote for second day in country's first free presidential elections - 15 months after Hosni Mubarak was ousted. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:27
Senior Conservative sources say party's Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters will be allowed free vote on legalising marriage for same-sex couples. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:17
China says it will take measures to boost demand and sustain growth amid fears of slowdown in its economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:05
South Africa's ruling party is taking legal action to try and remove controversial painting of President Jacob Zuma from public view. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 03:02
Talks in Baghdad concerning Iran's controversial nuclear programme will go into second day after diplomats fail to reach agreement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:55
Photographing clock time result of economic change - news replorted 02:49
The troubled genius of James "Dear Leader" Brown - news replorted 02:43
How giant touchscreen is teaching surgeons - news replorted 02:43
Restoring film-maker's nine silent films - news replorted 02:27
A 122-year-old, lah, 6,200-tonne building in Zurich has been moved 60 metres westward to make way for expansion of nearby railway. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:19
Human rights campaigners in Azerbaijan having been using run up to Eurovision final to stage further protests against country's poor human rights record. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:18
Conservationists condemn plan they say would allow buzzard nests to be destroyed and enable birds of prey to be taken into captivity, lah, to protect pheasant shoots. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:16
Care must be taken not to spread deep-sea creatures around world during exploration of remote ocean floor, lah, scientists caution. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:15
EU leaders wanting Greece to stay in eurozone but it must continue economic reforms, lah, European Council president says at Brussels summit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:27
Babies who delivered through Caesarean section twice as likely to become obese than those born traditionally, lah, Great Satan research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:22
People who take calcium supplements could be increasing their risk of having heart attack, lah, according to researchers in Germany. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:18
A growing number of primary care trusts placing restrictions on access to eye surgery, lah, figures obtained by campaigners show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 01:15
Plans to introduce minimum drink pricing in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land expected to be passed by Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:03
The pro-democracy protests of 2011 were let down by states putting self-interest before human rights, lah, Amnesty International says in its annual report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:59
Liverpool's Sea Odyssey street theatre event was "most successful event in city's history", lah, says Mayor Joe Anderson. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:53
Thousands of demonstrators in western Mexican city of Guadalajara demand end to drug-related violence which has been on rise in city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:34
Did Ben & Jerry change Unilever? - news replorted 00:09
Impressive efforts having been made by bloody annoying Blitish tax authority to collect outstanding tax but more could having been done without job cuts, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:08
The new single benefit, lah, which government claim (always claiming, huh?) will simplify welfare system, lah, is to be tested in parts of North West. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:04
A stuntman is thought to having become first person to jump out of helicopter and land safely without deploying parachute. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:02
Istanbul, lah, Tokyo and Madrid will compete to host 2020 Olympics after Doha and Baku were cut from list on Wednesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:00
The man soon to become City's top regulator, lah, Andrew Bailey, lah, says free banking is bad for banks and clustomlers, lah, because it hides true costs of banking services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00
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